The Bright and The Brave {l.s. au}

1- Then She's Not Your Soulmate

POV: Louis

I dream in color.

I'm not sure if it's just me but I'm certain that it can't be all that strange. I can't be the only mateless person who dreams in color. I don't only dream in color, I dream of color. My dreams only consist of staring at bright colors and watching the world of blues and greens, the oceans and forests. That was my favorite place to go when I was younger; the beach. I loved it. I loved watching the waves turn from a dark murky blue to a light foamy white as they crashed onto the sandy brown shores. I loved the colorful shells and rocks. The colorful bathing suits and towels and umbrellas. The green patches of grass that poked through the sand at the back of the shoreline. Every bit of it was beautiful. I wish I had appreciated it more.

I'm starting to believe that I'll never see it again.

I cried the day I turned ten. I told my mum that I hated everything. Blues, greens, reds, yellows, purples- all of them were just greys now. I rarely go to the beach anymore. It's sad, seeing the lack of color in what used to be the most beautiful place to me. Now, I only watch only movies that are in black and white anyway and I read books of modern movies so I at least know what people are talking about. I don't want to seem uncultured just because I can't see colors anymore. It's funny how you take the color in life for granted. Before I lost it, I didn't think too much about colors. They were just a part of what made up the world. Now I miss it so much.

Even when I was young, I could tell who'd found their soulmate and who hadn't. Not always but usually, the people who wore more dull colors were the lonely ones. They didn't know the colors they chose were strange and didn't always match, they couldn't see. Then there was the opposite, the people who hadn't found their soulmates and yet dressed the brightest. They saw the unique shades of grey and decided to wear them. Those people might not have their soulmates yet but they were somehow less lonely.

I try my hardest to be the latter but often fail. I try to ask my friend Liam about the color of my clothing. I never want to dress as lonely as I feel but I sometimes quit and just wear all black or white and black, the only colors I can actually see. Liam had started seeing color nearly three years ago. He'd been so excited and I was so happy for him but I couldn't help but feel a tinge of jealousy.

When I started making music, I felt a little bit better. It gave me some of those feelings that colors used to bring. So I wrote endless lyrics and mashed together countless notes because the music was my new color. Each song helped bring back those happy things I'd always felt before I turned grey. Those were the kind of answers I wanted to give to interviewers. Instead, I just say something cheesy about the songs and move on, not wanting to talk about my black and white world with people who don't have to live that way anymore.

I feel this guilt about not seeing color with my girlfriend. I'm lying to her. I tell her I can see color because she can. Liam has told me that the way she describes things just proves that she sees colors, which is depressing because it means that she's already met her soulmate, and it's not me. I live with this terrible feeling that I'm ruining her life every second that we're together. Liam tells me to break up with her and tell her the truth but I'm scared. I'm afraid to let go of her. Maybe I'm afraid of what will happen when I free myself. Afraid of having that chance to find out who I really am. I know I need to break up with her eventually or I'll never give myself the chance to find my own soulmate. But I feel so trapped, I'll never find her at this point.

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"Yes, Liam. He's adorable." I sighed, smiling at the picture on Liam's phone. It was a very cute photo of his son, Bear, picking a flower. I wish I knew what color it was.