Söbriety • Mötley Crüe •

52. September

Warnings: Mentions of Drug Use & Withdrawal, Smut

Ryan's POV

Five months.

It's been five months without my husband. Five months of wondering if I even still have a husband. Five months of not seeing each other at all. Five months of short check-in phone calls, both of us too anxious to ask how the other feels about our marriage.

A month of finishing out my stash, three months of absolute misery getting off of my stash, and one month of feeling relatively okay without it. Four months of NA meetings and appointments with Dr. Mouse to find my sobriety again.

Four months of Sharise breathing down the back of my neck and testing the boundaries of our friendship, and one month of getting back to being inseparable. That woman saved my life.

Five months of watching my daughter grow inches upon inches and start to look like a little human rather than an alien. She can stand on her own if she has something to grip, she can laugh with her whole belly, and she has a very wide range of facial expressions that tell you just exactly what she's feeling.

Five months of finding myself and figuring out what I want in life. I've been back and forth between divorce and working it out, weighing the pros and cons of each- heavily.

All of it has led to the same conclusion:
I want my fucking husband.

-

"Are you nervous?" Sharise rubs my shoulders as I look at myself in the mirror and try to put every single hair on my head into perfect position.

"Very." I breathe out, trying to quiet my racing thoughts and shaking hands.

"Hey, look at me. You've done great, and from what I understand Nikki is doing pretty good, too. That man loves you more than he loves himself, and that's a lot. Everything will be okay, I promise." I smile and nod as she kisses my forehead. "Now come on, they'll be here any minute."

My legs feel like they could give out at any second as we walk down the stairs to play with Wylie until the guys return home. My eyes flick to the clock every few seconds, counting down the minutes it should take for them to get here from the airport. I don't know that I've ever been this nervous to see Nikki, but that nagging voice in the back of my head keeps telling me he's only coming home to tell me he wants a divorce.

My heart feels like it's going to rip through my chest and fall onto the floor when the front door handle starts to turn, and Wylie starts to scream as she bounces up and down. She gets so excited to have company.

Time seems to stop when I see the man who holds my heart walk through the door, a gigantic grin forming on his face when he lays his eyes on his daughter. His hair has a thin white streak in it, his green eyes shine, his tan has returned to his skin and his cheek bones are hidden under a healthy layer of meat.

He's home.

My hands continue to shake as he takes Wylie out of my arms and holds her above his head, twirling her in circles. She lets out a loud laugh when he blows into her cheeks and his smile seems to get wider at the sound.

"Hi." He turns to look at me, his smile faltering just a tad bit, but enough to notice.

"Hi." I gulp down my spit, anxiety rushing through my entire body at warp speed.

Our awkward glance at each other is interrupted when Tommy bursts through the door, nearly tripping over his long legs.

"Chunky!" His voice turns into a shout as he rips Wylie from Nikki's arms. "Hey, you're not chunky anymore." His face falls into a frown as she gives him a small giggle.