Date Her Instead Vol. 5

Chapter Five: Unknown Changes

"I messed up..." Kanako thought. "I so messed up!" In a fit, she rolled back and forth on her bed. "Chiyo told me just to give little nudges! I'm still not sure what that means, but it definitely doesn't mean 'try to grab Haruna's arm and force her to listen!' Ugh, why am I so stupid?!"

Since arriving home minutes ago, Kanako had done nothing but writhe in agony over her own mistake. She had tried to be aggressive, and it had completely backfired. "That was the best chance I've had in forever, and I totally blew it..." she groaned.

Although, for as much regret as Kanako was feeling, her mind kept thinking about something she had noticed. "It seemed like... Haruna was in pain..." she thought. Kanako wondered if maybe it was just from having to talk to her, but she quickly gave up that idea. "It was more than that... it was like... when she spoke, she was hurting herself..." Upon further thought, that did make sense. "Haruna told me she loved me... Chiyo told me she's scared to hear my answer... Of course it would hurt to tell me to go away..."

Of course, while Kanako could understand the meaning behind Haruna's words, that didn't make them any easier to ignore. "She doesn't want me near her... But is that really true? Her face earlier makes me think it's not... but what if it is? But her confession..." Kanako started thinking herself into circles. "Argh, I just don't get it!" she exclaimed. "What does Haruna want from me?!"

In the heat of the moment, Kanako sat up. "I should just march over there and confess!" she declared, but as soon as she did, she flopped back down. "No, that won't work. I doubt Haruna would take me seriously given the circumstances. Honestly, I don't think I could take myself seriously..." Admittedly, there was also a part of Kanako that still wanted her confession to be more on the romantic side, so just going next door and shouting her feelings didn't really feel right. "Maybe I'm just holding myself back..." she thought dejectedly.

It was hard for Kanako to know what was the right thing to do anymore. Personally, she wanted to be right next to Haruna telling her how much she loves her. For advice, she had been told to give Haruna "little nudges," whatever that meant. Then there was Haruna herself, who was afraid to hear Kanako's answer but seemingly was in pain when telling Kanako to leave her alone.

"And now on top of all of this, Mi-chan suddenly wants to spend time with me..." she added to herself. That was nearly bigger news than being able to talk to Haruna. It had been even longer since Kanako and Michi had spent any significant amount of time together, and after their last argument, Kanako had wondered if they ever would again. "I'm kind of happy that she reached out, but I'm nervous too..."

There was always the possibility that things could turn out how they had before. If that really happened, Kanako knew her relationship with Michi would really be over. "There's no way we could survive another argument. I have to remember to not get angry at anything Mi-chan says!" Thinking that though gave Kanako a bad feeling. "Since when did I think like that about Mi-chan? Don't get angry at what she says? It might not even be bad. Why am I already assuming things?"

What had once been a good friendship had now turned so sour in Kanako's mind. It had happened slowly, and it was only now that Kanako was really noticing the change. "I knew that it wasn't great between us, but has it really gotten this bad?" she wondered. She felt more dread than excitement at the thought of hanging out with Michi. When trying to imagine what they'd do together, it seemed like only arguing came to mind. "Ugh..." Kanako groaned. "Thinking about this isn't any better..."

Haruna and all of the complicated feelings that went with that situation were on one side. Michi and what she was going to do or say was on the other. Stuck in the middle was Kanako, who was at a complete loss. "I wish everything in my life wasn't such a mess..." she thought. She had no idea how it had gotten like this. "I guess when I really think about it, this all started at the beginning of last year with my confession to Akio-kun." Of course, even just remembering the boy's name made Kanako irritated, so she pushed him out of her mind. "It's not like it really matters," she thought. "Everything is how it is now, so there's no point in looking at the past to try to untangle this mess." What was done was done, and Kanako decided all she could do now was focus on the present.