Almost

Chapter 2

Ever since the party, I've been looking at boys differently. I start to notice every detail, their lips when they're speaking, and their eyes when I'm speaking to them. But I'm afraid that if I start to be one of those girls, you know "those girls," people will judge me. I can't pretend I'm not afraid of that. What if the reason that I help so many people with their problems isn't only my caring nature, but it's also because if I take a look in the mirror and try to help myself, I'll be overwhelmed with the multitude of problems I'll be faced with?

I wondered about this for days, sliding through school and the rest of the day, only staying on my own thoughts. Was this one of my problems? During upper-level calculus today, I decided that I would cease to think about this; it was causing me to question myself one too many times in a day.

So right now, I'm looking ahead, into the abyss of my future. Actually, Leila and I are watching Mean Girls. I swear, that movie never gets old. We're at the part when the Burn Book is out and Cady really starts to look at herself and what she's become (Sorry to whoever hasn't seen this movie, but I mean, really?). I burst into tears, not only because of the movie (God forbid, I've seen it a million times and it's not even sad or anything), but because what Cady is doing is what I need to be doing, but I can't do it.

I explain my situation to Leila, who very graciously takes her turn at comforting me for once.
"Honey, it's ok, it's ok," she comforts me,"you are beautiful, you're gonna get whatever you want in life no matter what."
I reply,"Ok, I know that's not true. That's impossible. Nobody ever gets what they want in life."
"Do you want comforting or do you want the truth?" She looks down at me with the softest eyes. She knows my pain, she's felt it before.

Before she met Jonathan, she was really insecure with herself. Every day after school, she would look at herself in my huge mirror and silently tell herself that she was imperfect in every way. The reason of this was her parents. They are huge perfectionists. So, naturally, they wanted the perfect daughter. They corrected Leila over and over again, slowly degrading her and her self confidence. She was a mess when I met her. I tried to help her, but it was impossible, so I was just there for her. But, last year, when she met Jonathan, everything changed. They started going out, and she was deathly afraid of showing the side of herself that only I saw. And it was even harder to show because she was almost in love with Jon. But one night, she got drunk at a party with him, and boy oh boy she showed her true self. She was yelling at everything and everyone, she was dancing on tables, she was crying for herself, it was mayhem. In the morning, she woke up to Jon sitting next to her in his house. She then knew she, her real self, was in love with him. The immense pain was gone, but it's back, now that Jon left her for Catherine.

After a while, we both start crying, until the doorbell rings. We don't answer it but Jake texts me "Let me in!" so we do.
"What's wrong what's going on what happened? Is everything okay?"
"Yeah," I say, "just basking in our sorrows." I give a little laugh, but Jake hugs me and Leila. Jake is my best friend so I hug him back and say, "You're the best. Thank you."

I look into his eyes and see something I have never seen before. Jake. Not best friend Jake or nice guy Jake. More like "ooh it's Jake" Jake. I feel myself blushing, so I turn away. My face grows cooler, but the feeling is still there. What if this is what's missing from my life? I'll just have to wait and see.