Recovery Road

Two

I laid on my bed in my room later that night, consumed by feelings of guilt, shame, and regret for eating. I hated feeling full, I hated my mind, and I hated myself. I felt tears roll down my cheek and my breathing quickened which soon turned to hyperventilating. I felt hot and sweaty. I knew I was having a panic attack. There was only one thing I knew that could help calm me down.

Despite feeling dizzy, I quickly walked to the bathroom, turned the shower on, and did yet another thing I hated doing.

I lifted the toilet seat up and leaned my head in as I lodged two fingers down my throat until I finally threw up. I continued until I was positive that my stomach was fully empty.

When I finished I flushed the toilet, washed my hands, turned the shower off, and brushed my teeth. Although I felt relieved, this was probably one of the worst methods I've had to use but I needed to do this. It was all I could do to get rid of the nagging voice inside my brain telling me I didn't deserve eat and I shouldn't have eaten.

After I washed my face, I went to my room and changed into my pink and white pjs. A few minutes, as I was just getting under the covers, a knock sounded at my door. "Can I come in?" Asked Noah.

"Yeah go ahead," I replied lying down in the blankets.

"How are you doing?" He asked as he looked around my semi clean room.

"I'm alright." I said though I was truly far from that.

"I heard the shower going. Did you take a shower?" He asked.

"Yes, I did." I lied.

"Why isn't your hair wet?" He asked.

"I didn't wash my hair today, that's why." I said raising my eyebrows as if it was the most obvious idea in the world. I needed him to believe that I actually took a shower instead of assume what would actually be the truth.

"Hmm," he simply said, nodding his head. Honestly I was surprised he didn't press the conversation further. He usually did even if nothing actually happened. "Well uh, do you want to watch a movie or something?"

"Sure, you can pick it out though, I'm pretty tired." I replied with a yawn.

Noah ended up picking the action movie Fast and Furious. Growing up, the movie was a favorite in our house. Noah and I had so many memories watching and rewatching over again. Now here we are as adults watching it for the millionth time.

Paul Walker was one of my favorite actors. He was good at his work and he was cute. His death was upsetting to the both of us.

Towards the middle of the movie I drifted off to sleep leaving Noah to watch the rest of it alone in my room.

*
NOAH'S POV:

Towards the middle of the movie Eden fell asleep on her bed while I myself almost fell asleep multiple times. It was 1 am when the movie ended and I opened the bedroom door to leave. Before leaving her room though I stared at my frail little sister. Her tan skin had looked pale, under eyes were darkened, and her face was sunken in. Her entire body was thin enough to scare one.

I couldn't believe how sick she was and I didn't understand why I didn't notice long before. It was clear to me now that Eden was struggling with this disease for so long. She hardly talked about why she restricted her food intake so it wasn't like I could understand. Not that I truly ever would even if she did. The least I could do was encourage her to get help and hope that this time she would go through with it.

I took one last glance at her before turning her light off and closing the door.

I went off to the bathroom to use the toilet before washing my hands, and brushing my teeth. Once I was finished in the bathroom I turned the light off and headed to my own bedroom.