For Love and maybe Blood

~ > 8 < ~

~Coincidence or not?~

After we finished with everyone on the track, we packed up our things to leave again. The day was long and everyone was tired. Me especially. Actually, I shouldn't have come to work either, that according to George, because my head wasn't quite in it. Both things were true, I was so distracted during the race that I didn't even pay attention, I almost fell asleep because I hadn't slept a wink the night before. So I had to be nudged a few times by Claire to make sure the cameras didn't record anything. "Be careful, you know you're playing an important role," she said.
And Claire was always right. She meant it nicely and I was aware of that and I was grateful that she told me and implied it. After all, how would it look if George Russell's girlfriend slept at the race? Probably not so great. George came 18th and Nicky 19th, not the best result. But we tried to look on the bright side, but it wasn't easy for me. My head was still with Uncle Adam, I just missed him too much. I wished he would come here and talk to me and encourage me again. But that will never happen again. Never again.
"Lilibeth?", I heard Claire say my name and turned around, as I was in the process of packing up my last notes. "Yes?", I asked. "Is there anything?", I added confused as she had something in her eye that made me confused. Even though she had the mask on, I could tell.
"To be honest, yes. I've already sent George away to go to the hotel and rest," she replied. I nodded slowly. Surely she must have noticed something was wrong and that's not how any of her staff should behave while cameras are pointed at us and millions of people are watching. "We'll take you to the hotel later, of course, but I definitely want to talk to you," Claire said. "Come on, let's go to my office."
I bit my lips nervously as we made our way to her office and said goodbye to a few more people. In her office, I sat down opposite her and we took off our masks. We had both tested negative for Corona, so this wasn't necessary, but masks were actually mandatory at all times on the track.
"I think you know it's urgent that we talk after today," Claire began, looking at me piercingly. "I'm sure it's not just because you're tired, my dear."
I nervously played with the ring on my left index finger and tried to clear my head. It was hard for me to avoid Claire's gaze even though she didn't look angry, she was rather disappointed, like a mother who was just trying to pull her child together because he or she hadn't done the homework.
"It's not just because I'm tired, you're right," I confessed and exhaled deeply.
"I... it's..."
I searched for the right words, but nothing came out, which is why I looked at Claire in despair. "My uncle died and I found out yesterday," I said without thinking. I deliberately left out the detail of what happened in the bathroom. After all, I didn't want Claire to think I was mentally ill. Claire's look changed now. "I'm sorry, my condolences," she said, leaning forward to put her hands over mine that were on the table separating the two of us.
"Losing a person is never easy, you need time for yourself to process it. For that reason, you should have told me or at least called in sick."
I nodded in response. "I know you're absolutely right, but I... I wanted to take my mind off it.
I didn't want to think about it because if I have time to think about it I'll go crazy," I explained.
"I know what you mean. I'm like that too," she said and let go of my hands. "But you need rest"
Of course, she was right. I really needed to rest and tomorrow was the funeral and if I was honest, I didn't want to go. What would happen there? Sure, pay my respects to Uncle Adam, but I can see how all my relatives would stomp on me.
"Then we know the reason why George didn't give the best performance today," she added.
Yes, I felt guilty. And Claire didn't even know the main reason. Uncle Adam dying is one thing, what happened in the bathroom is another...
"Claire-"
"It's okay, Lilibeth," she interrupted me immediately. "We're not the best team right now, you can see that either way. George is a good driver who sits in a car that is not fast enough. It's not your fault that it turned out like that today."
I just nodded in agreement, which didn't make me feel any better, even though I knew Williams wasn't the best team.
"The best thing is for you to rest now," Claire said, but this time it was a clear instruction. "And not to come to work, stay at home and take time for yourself, and just before the next race, maybe on Wednesday, you come back. After all, we have two weeks until then and we are at Silverstone, which means we don't have to fly and we decide spontaneously."
"Yes," I answered curtly because I didn't like this decision, even though I knew Claire meant well. "You know I'm doing it for your health," Claire said as if she had read my mind and smiled.
"If you feel fit until Silverstone, you'll come back, if not, you'll stay at home," she explained. "And if everything is fine until Silverstone, we'll have to talk about some other things, too," she added. "You can tell me now," I said, confused.
"No, no. I'm not putting any more in your head. When you feel better, we'll talk again," she said. "But don't worry, it's nothing bad," she added after seeing my worried face.
I nodded again and lowered my gaze.
"Maybe we'll go back to the hotel, and you'd better lie down and get some sleep," she said, already sounding like a caring mother.