For Love and maybe Blood

~ > 9 < ~

One week. One fucking week. A week that probably changed my whole life and I wish I could have said that for positive reasons. "Corona is over" or "George made it to Q3" or "Williams scored a point".
But no. Uncle Adam was dead. He was most likely involved in criminal activity and nothing was good at all. Uncle Adam being dead is one thing, I'm not over it after a week. It felt like before my fight with Uncle Adam when we weren't talking. But I still had the chance to pick up the phone and call him and say how sorry I was. But now, when I called him, no one would answer. Uncle Adam and I were no longer 100% in this argument, but we never sat together and really talked. In the hospital, I was still far too weak for that. But I was still glad that I didn't say something stupid to him last.
"I love you, Uncle Adam."
Those were my last words to him. It hurt. Very much.
I just wished him back. But I couldn't. We were back in the UK and last weekend there was no race and the next one will be at Silverstone, so everything will be loose. We will stay at home, which I was happy about. Besides the pandemic, I didn't want to leave the house at the moment anyway because I preferred to hide in the house and not show my face for the last week. Besides, I'm still on holiday because Claire won't allow me to work until I felt fit enough.
Honestly, I was glad because my head had to process everything first. Actually, I was the person who liked to distract myself when I wasn't feeling well, but during a global pandemic that's not easy and working wasn't either. But I used the time to escape into memories.
I had been sitting in front of my laptop for days, looking at pictures of me and Uncle Adam. It was like a kind of time travel. I started with the pictures of when I was little and I was often with Uncle Adam and my father's other relatives. A life without stress and worries.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days when you didn't have to worry about anything and your parents took care of your problems, which were mostly because you couldn't tie your shoes. Those were the days when everything was still good and no one was excluded from the family. Uncle Adam and I were part of the family and we were like best friends even then, he was my second father and some made fun of the fact that his brother - my father - had adopted me.
I liked one picture the most, which I haven't seen for years. I was maybe six or seven years old and I was sitting in one of those toy cars that you could drive.
Yes, I used to be a fan of cars, but that hasn't changed much today.
"The only thing that has changed is that you are not only attracted to the car but also to the driver of a certain car."
That's what Uncle Adam would probably say to my thoughts and made me smile. It felt like he was right next to me and we were both reminiscing.
"Why are you smiling like that?", I heard George ask, which made me wince as I didn't even realize he was in the room.
"Um... nothing. Not that important," I replied, closing my laptop. I didn't know why, but I didn't want George to see these memories of mine. I wasn't embarrassed but... Well, maybe it's the fact that this family I used to be with isn't my family in that way anymore.
"Okay...", he said slowly and walked to the bar, or rather the kitchen. Then I remembered that I wanted to do something before he came back.
"Shit, sorry, I forgot to cook," I said and got up to go straight to the kitchen. "I'm sorry, George I... Never mind," I said more to myself and rummaged for the rice in the cupboard.
"Hey, it's all good. The only bad thing is that I said in the stream that I would have dinner now," he joked and laughed briefly. But I didn't quite feel like laughing. It was nothing serious, but lately, I was so easily irritable and excited about little things that I put too much stress on myself. George went streaming for a few hours, as he hadn't done it for a while.
While we were in the first big lockdown in March and the start of the season was postponed, he streamed a lot and I showed up in the meantime to say hello to the fans, which many liked. George and I had a semi-public relationship, which is why I didn't mind showing up on the stream. Besides, the viewers always liked it when George and I insulted each other, just for the fun of course. But today I didn't feel like appearing anywhere either. I was quiet on social media because I didn't feel good enough for it and for the public in general.
"Lilibeth?" George asked, tilting his head.
"I'm already making dinner, it won't take that long," I said, getting the pan ready for the rice.
"I can also order something you don't have to-"
"I can cook," I interrupted him irritably and turned to him. He raised his hands innocently and raised his eyebrows.
"I didn't mean anything by it, I just thought it would stress you out".
I rolled my eyes and turned back to the pan to continue. Yes, I was a bitch and sometimes I wondered why George still loved me.
"Yeah, all right," I muttered to myself, took out a board and a knife, and started cutting the vegetables.
"Do you need help?"
This time I didn't answer and continued to concentrate on cutting the vegetables.
I knew he really just wanted to be nice and really wanted to help me, but as stubborn as I was, I didn't want to accept any help. Besides, I knew what he was really thinking.
"Are you all right?" George continued to ask.
"Stop it please," I urged him annoyed, and turned to face him again. "I hate it when you ask how I am every single time."
He raised his hands innocently and rolled his eyes too. "I'm sorry that I care how you are" he apologized wryly. "I thought it was proper."
"Yeah, but you know exactly how shitty I am, so you don't need to ask me either," I replied in a raised voice, literally throwing the vegetables into the pan.
George had been doing this for days and I should be grateful for it, but I was stupid and I wasn't. I was just a little bit scared. And how did I earn it again...?
I turned slightly to catch his reaction for a moment, but he just stared at me with raised eyebrows.
 "You're a real stubborn one," he said and came behind the bar to stand in front of me. I had to look out at him because he was more than 20 centimeters taller than me.
"I know," I said curtly and crossed my arms in front of my chest. Now I was honestly expecting some stupid line or something like it always was when we had a nonsensical argument like now. "You need something to let off some steam and your emotions, maybe it will help you," he said.
I raised my eyebrows and stirred the vegetables in the pan for a moment. "What do you mean exactly?"
"Boxing," he replied. "I checked with Aleix, he said it would help you."
"Do you want me to box you or what?" I asked ironically because I didn't know why or where he got the idea.
 "Of course not, you fool," he said and shook his head. "You wouldn't make it anyway"
"Oh yeah?" I asked challengingly.
"Ehm yes?" George said, amused. "I'll throw you over my shoulder and that's it."
I raised my eyebrows and shook my head. "Although you've eaten so many Chinese noodles, I can't get you up," he added amusedly, to which I slapped him on the chest and started giggling. "You fucking idiot," I laughed.
He laughed too and I hugged him, put my head on his chest where I could feel the vibration of his laughter and my ears could also hear his heartbeat. For a short moment, we stayed like that, and I continued to listen to his heartbeat. No matter how stupid it sounded, it sounded better to me than any Beatles song that existed.
"Must mean a lot," George once said when I confessed it to him. If I think something is better than the Beatles, it definitely means a lot.
"That's the laugh I've been missing," George confessed and I raised my head again. I smiled at him again as he gently gripped my chin. "Exactly that smile too. I love it more than anything because it's the most beautiful thing in the world to me," he said and kissed me on the forehead. He did it again. My worries, my sadness, and my anger were gone. Even if it was for the few seconds or minutes, they were gone, as if by magic, and only because this man here managed to enchant me again and again.
"I didn't mean what I said", I apologized. "You know..."
"Yes, I know", he said and stroked my right cheek. "Elizabeth Ward is a stubborn girl, nothing new and ... yes."
I nodded and kissed him on his cheek. "I'm sorry"
"Already forgotten, my dear," he said. "And I'm sorry to bother you."
"You're not annoying, I... I just can't deal with this whole situation yet," I replied.
"That goes without saying, I don't know how I would react either," he agreed. "But you're not alone"
I nodded and smiled again. As long as George was with me, I would never be alone in this situation. "I know"
I turned to the pan of rice and stirred it again so I could put the lid on.
"Dinner will be ready in half an hour," I said and turned back to George.
"All right, then I'm going to take a shower," he said and kissed me again on the forehead. "And are we going to try boxing tomorrow?"
"Why not?", I said. "Maybe Claire will let me work for this weekend then."
"Seemed like you were enjoying the time off," he remarked, tilting his head.
"Yeah, I mean, I really needed it after.... yeah," I finished my sentence without mentioning Uncle Adam's name. I didn't have to say anything else and George knew.
"Well, I... ehm yeah I'm going to take a shower.", George repeated, scratching the back of his head because he probably didn't know how to continue the conversation.
I just nodded in agreement and went to the fridge to get the meat out.
"Ah, George," I called to him again after putting the meat on the counter. He turned back to me once more. "Yes?"
"You stole that over-the-shoulder thing from Outlander," I hinted at him and couldn't help another smile, which he returned and shrugged. "Maybe," he admitted. "But the difference is I look better than Jamie."
"Don't joke, George. No one looks better than the real James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser," I joked. "Now go and have a shower before I will finish with dinner"

Breathing heavily, I plopped down on the mat in the gym and tried not to die, even though it felt like a slow death to me. Since I accompanied George to his training today, my plan for today was also training, and for me, who could eat Chinese noodles every day, jogging a few kilometers was comparable to hell.
"I think she's dead," I heard George say.
 "Then I would run again now before she gets up and then tries to kill you."
"She can't get up now and run after me again," George laughed.
"Shut up," I shouted and turned my face so that I could look at him. "Say another word and you won't eat for a week."
Slowly my breathing calmed down and I managed to sit up without falling over.
"I'll never come to your training again," I remarked as George came up to me and held out his water bottle. I opened the bottle and drank almost all of it, which made George's eyes widened. "Were just..."
"Don't tell me how many kilometers it was," I interrupted him and gave him back his bottle. "Otherwise I'll tip you over here again," I added.
"I think the neck training is worse," he interjected.
"It's also more painful," Aleix said to both of us. "Lilibeth, rest for five more minutes, George and I will warm-up for his neck workout and while he's doing that, we'll move on to the boxing," he explained the plan.
After George had finished warming up, his neck training began.
"Are you taking a video of me? It's time to post something again," he said and I picked up his phone to record a few seconds of his workout. I knew what it looked like from Instagram but I've never seen it live and to be honest, this looked worse. I saved the video after I finished it and put it on the small table next to the bottles to start boxing with Aleix.
"The important thing is to always focus on one spot," he explained. "You should block out everything that is around you. Everything that's in your head, that's worrying you, is pushed to the side now. You just focus on the punches and on that punching bag now, understand?"
I nodded, exhaled deeply again, and closed my eyes. I pushed aside the worries about Uncle Adam, I pushed aside all my sad thoughts, I pushed aside the old memories, I pushed everything aside. I opened my eyes again and hit the punching bag.