Drabbles (Will Edit, Nothing Is Consistent)

Vent.

Just need to get some feelings out. If you think you understand any if this, no you don't.
No its not spell checked, its not for you. Its just for me, And me alone.

Don't look too deep into this either. Its just stupid feelings shit.

Its just a jumbled mess of words and feelings that I can't talk to anybody about.

Its open ended and will get added too later in time.

If you read this, no you haven't. This doesn't exist. Okay?

I don't know what the truth is anymore.
I want to belive you, I really do, but I don't know if I can anymore.
I'm often blinded by what you say, wanting to fully belive that everything you tell me could only be the truth.
But that's not what it is, is it?
No, carfaly crafted lies that you twist into your words, knowing full well I won't want to question it because of our past.
But I doubt. I doubt the words I belive as truths. The words coming from your moth are nothing but a heavy fog in the morning. Covering what I know of there but blinding me none the less.
Your words are nothing but the dyeam on a mirror, shadowing and blurring what I see it its reflection.

To the point that I don't know what the truth is anymore.
What am I too belive? I've gone so long living the lies and believing them fully that I doubt everything you say. I no longer know what is and is not foam coming from your mouth.

I want to belive you. I do I do I do I do but-
You've tainted my view of the truth. Clouded ot to the point that only you know what is and isn't a lie. I can't ever know of what you say is truthful.

And these are things I could never tell you. Nothing I say holds any meaning to you. Not one word from my mouth will hold any weight inside you head. And I am jealous.
I'm jealous of all the hold you have on me. I'd they myself at your feat and be for forgiveness for something that is not and never was my fault.
And you wouldn't do the same.
You think you would, and you've said you would, but no. When it comes to it, you'll turn away. You'll scorn me and yell, beat me back into the person I used to be. The scared and the fearful, the broken child that scarres itself picking up its own pieces.

But I won't let you have that. Not this time, and not ever. If you won't hear me, I'll speak my own truth. I do not need your voice behind my back any longer.
I trusted you, and I believed in you.
And I still do, despite everything in me telling me not to.
It sickens me how much I rely on you.
How despret I truly have become.

Your words haunt me in more ways than one, you actions leave me scarred of failed and lonesomeness.
Fear of you leaving me alone in the world.

I deserve to have what I give out. At its very least point. I deserve equality.
I deserve many many things.

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You promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised me you promised

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All I ever feel is you getting more and more distant with me now. I thought we agreed on changing things for the better?

Can you tell me the truth, if you're even capable of that.
Are you just using me for comfort now? Are you just going to do to me what they did to you. It feels like you're about to

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I did it again. And I feel like a fool. A foolish fool who's only purpose is to be lied to.
You said you'd be here for me.
You said that you'd help me.
And I trusted your word.
I stayed up all night, hoping you'd be here for me, hoping you'd keep your word. Where are you?
The night has past and its morning again, amd you still aren't here.

I know there are things you aren't telling me, and I know that life stresses you out.
But Fuck, is it that selfish if me to just want to spend time with you?
I don't feel like I can anymore.
Something always comes up.
There is always an excuse.

I feel selfish for wanting to have any time with you at all. And I don't deserve that. I never did, and I still don't.

I stay up all night, waiting for you to speak to me in the morning. Telling myself that today is the day.
Today is they day you will change, and prove me wrong.today is the day I can finally learn to trust you again.
But no. There will be no day, is there?
And yet here I am, waiting. Waiting for something that will never happen, like a fool. A foolish fucking fool.

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Stop it, shut up. Use my name when you speak to me. Use my name, thats who I am. Use my name, thats all you can use to refer to me.
Use my name, say it. Say my name
SAY IT. You sent deserve to call me by anything else.
Say my name, speak it out loud. Say it, say it say it say it. Its my name, its my fucking name.
Stop calling me other things, thats now who I am. My name is mine and mine alone, don't call me anything else
You don't deserve anything else from me