Penny for your thoughts?

Doubt. (Entry 3 / Part 1)

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM-

Nah I'm just kidding, hey loser today's date is Thursday, April 22nd, 2021.  One before my hangout with V. I'm currently listening to a cool song I've been waiting to be released for about a month or so, it's called I "GUESS WILL NEVER FUCKING KNOW."

It's currently 8:17 p.m and my lizard has decided to stare at me as I type like a STALKER- WAFFLE-

One sec I'm gonna go get her from the other side of the bed.

Okay nevermind. I'm gonna leave her alone for now, but the song "I can't handle change" came on so I'm gonna create an imaginary storyline with V whilst dancing. I'll be back when I feel like it to tell you about the V hangout.

PS it's 8:24 p.m and I ended up just lying on the floor staring at the ceiling.

Okay, so the V hangout on Monday. So that hangout in general was super fun. We sat on the swings insulting each other (jokingly) and that was overall a fun thing, then we ended up walking around and doing whatever; I did tell him about what EB had said and he said "I'll sell one to her for $1000."

I wacked him. BUT ANYWAYS, we ended up walking back to his house and sat on the street corner. He said he was only gonna stay for 5 minutes and stayed for like 30. He even walked me like 2/3rds of the way home. I think he remembered saying 5 minutes but I was just so fantastic that he couldn't resist B]

I want to focus on two things. One not related at all and the actual tea. So the unrelated thing: I randomly remembered a thing V does that I completely forget about all the time- V calls me by my full name always. The difference is that anyone who still calls me by my full name (excluding family) only calls me Ariete half the time while the rest is "Ari"

I've kinda come to hate the name, Ari. I thought it could give me a fresh start as a kid, but I only ever attach negativity to it now. I don't think of Ari as a nickname, I think of it as a shield. A shield that V seems to continuously bypass as though he has his own key. That's one of the many reasons why I don't think my mind is allowing me to let him go. He's one of few that know the real me. He's the only one I haven't known since I was a baby and yet he's the one that knows me better than I know myself; Don't tell him that though.

OKAY now for the story of the hangout. I asked him outright, (not the full conversation, only the important stuff that I remember.)

"Why are you always so confusing?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're never upfront about anything. Especially how you (feel)...Nevermind."

"Well you're not so upfront yourself, just finish the sentence."

"I... uh-"

"See? I'm not usually upfront with girls because I don't want to hurt their feelings. Like there is this one thing I've been meaning to tell you but if I told you this or anything else upfront we probably wouldn't be hanging out right now."

(oh no no no does he not like me?? No no no no)

"Elaborate?"

*bickering about how I'm annoyed he can't just read my mind*

"I'd rather you just tell me now V, a slow burn never helps.."

(I'm so doomed, he doesn't like me EB was right- he could never like me-)

"If you think it's about the whole liking thing, it's not."

(THANK YOU BABY SATAN,)

"It's about, people."

"You mean like EB and IZ(another girl we know I used to be close with)?"

"Kinda, I feel like you never tell me the full story-"