Size Matters Not

Size Matters Not

Or, a drunken conversation between Meredith and Addison.

"So, tell me," says Meredith, six tequila shots under, so it comes out more like "telllllllllllllllllme."

"Tell you?" says Addison, three quarters of a bottle of wine later, so it comes out more like "teluuuuuuu?"

"Telllllllmeeeeeeeeeeee," says Meredith. "Who was biggggggggggggerrrrrrrrrr," she slurs.

"Biggggggerrrrrr?" says Addison.

"Yesssssss," says Meredith.

"And you'll telllllmeeeeeetooooooo?" says Addison.

"Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh," says Meredith.

"Okayyyyyyyyy," says Addison.

Right as Addison is about to tell her, Derek and Mark materialize next to them, along with Joe the bartender, who informs them that he's called these people over to take them home.

"Noooooooooooooo," says Meredith.

"I don't wannaaaaaaaaaa," says Addison.

"Come on, you're both drunk. We're taking you home," says Derek.

"Not noooooooooow," says Addison.

"Come on Red, you're gonna regret this in the morning," says Mark.

"But waiiiiiiiiiiit. She was gonna tell me who was biggggggggggggerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr," Meredith slurs.

"Bigger?" says Derek.

"Bigger?" says Mark.

"Yesssssssssss," says Addison.

"Oh God," says Derek.

"You're just mad because I'm bigger than you," Mark says triumphantly.

"Is heeeeeeeeee?" Meredith asks, while gesturing obscenly.

"I am," says Mark. "Can we go home now?"

"He's not," Derek frowns.

"Yes he issssssssssssssssssss," says Addison.

Derek's face falls, and Mark preens.

"How many iiiiiiiiiiiiinches?" says Meredith.

"Se-se-seeeeeeeeeeeven," says Addison.

"I'm wider though," says Derek.

"He issssssssss," says Addison.

"Ha-" says Derek.

"She's making that up, we should measure," says Mark.

"Yesssss," says Meredith. "Let's do that."

"Yessssssss," says Addison. "Measssssurrreeee," she adds.

"We're not gonna- look it's time to go home," says Derek.

"We probably actually should get you home," says Mark, even if he seems happy with the current discussion.

"It's not all about size anyway," says Derek. "It's about what you do with it."

"Trueeeeeeeeeee," says Addison.

"Yeah, but you know who was super huuuuuuuuuuuuuung?" says Meredith.

"Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh?" says Addison.

"Who?" says Derek.

"Yeah, who?" says Mark, curious.

"Okayyyyyyyyyyyyy but you can't tell anyonnnnnnnnnnnnne," says Meredith, whispering.

"Okayyyyyyyyyyy?" says Addison.

"It waaaaaaaaaaaaaaas George," says Meredith, giggling.

"O'Malley!?" says Mark.

"Seriously," says Derek.

"Seeeeeeeriously," says Meredith.

"How many iiiiiiiiinches?" says Addison.

"Like, seven and a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit," says Meredith.

"Whoa, that's biiiiiiiiiiig," says Addison.

"Yeah I knooooooooow," says Meredith. "It was alllllllllllllmost as big as my strap-onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn," she adds.

"Cooooooooooooooool," says Addison.

"I'll show you sometiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime," says Meredith.

"Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" says Addison. "You can show me your bigggggggggggggggggggggggg one."

"Okay, we're seriously getting you home now," says Derek.

"But I wannnnnnnnaa get raiiiiiiiiiiled by Meredithhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," says Addison. "It's seven and a bit iiiiiiiiinches!"

"Not tonight Red," Mark smirks. "I'll keep that in mind though."

"I'll show you mine if you show me youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurs!," says Addison.

"Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhh?' says Meredith.

"Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh," says Addison. "Mine is puuuuuuurple!!!!!!"

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***** FIN