The Phoenix: I always am...

Episode Ninety-Eight

As you fell to the ground you watch everything around you take place in slow motion as you hear each bullet casing being fired from Natasha's gun hitting his body and the thump that followed as his body falls to the ground, his eyes wide open staring into yours as his final breathe excretes from his dying body. Natasha runs past you to let Tony out of his restraints and soon as he's free she runs right back over to you tucking her arm under you, lifting you up off the floor just enough so she can lay her leg underneath supporting your back so that her arm can cradle your head allowing her other arm to place pressure on your stomach.

"Hey Natasha you did it! Sorry I mean Nat. Nat you did it!" at the beginning Natasha once thought that killing Aldrich would have just been a means to an end after having no personal connection to him it wouldn't mean anything to her if he died, but as you lay in her arm it turns out she was wrong because you are the reason she carried on to fight besides you today. So when you praise her she wants to be happy that the one thing that caused you so much pain has gone but she can't because it shouldn't have been her to do it. "I'm sorry I know you wanted to be the one to do it." When you were laying on the floor and you looked into his eyes you knew that he was really gone but as you look into her eyes all you see in her green eyes is a kind of green that speaks to you. Her eyes were that bright colour, bold and beautiful. They help distract you so much you forget the sight of Killian you saw, debating if he's really dead. With all the people around you at this moment you know that she's the only one who will tell you the truth so you ask her "is he finally gone?" before she answers that you see her smile at you, it was one of happiness growing. You can see how it came from deep inside to light her eyes and spread into every part of her. "Yes... He's finally gone y/n." Knowing he's gone reminds you of the reason that Natasha is holding you in the first place... it's because you're dying. 

You look down and see that the blood isn't gushing in a constant flow, instead at first it comes out thick and strong, flowing through Natasha's fingers as she clasps the ripped flesh. You can feel the blood move over her hand's as she tries to apply pressure however not wanting her to be able to see any of it you delicately place a hand above her's shielding her eyes from the sight of your blood that laces between her fingers.

With the blood out of her sight you think of something so you say to her "that's a lot of blood if only my power was being a sponge that would be really useful right now." Once saying it out loud you realize that's probably one of the worst things to say as your blood radiates her hands though wanting to be optimistic for you Natasha replies to what you said saying "you're going to be fine we just have to keep pressure on it that's all and you'll be fine." The bright green in her eyes slowly begins to dimmer and you can see the worry begin to set in, but right now these next few hours would either pass as a blip in the course of your life, or they would be the final trauma that broke her. So you clasp onto her hand to get her attention away from the blood and to just look at you, just your eyes. "You were always a lousy liar Romanoff..." yet thinking that having her just looking at you would her help you didn't think about how it would affect you as a cold path wriggles it's way down your face, no matter how hard you try to hold them back the look she gives forces you to cry. "I'm sorry Natasha..." using her shoulder to wipe away the stubborn tear drop that wasn't leaving her face she tells you that "you have nothing to be sorry for." As she says that a list of reasons you could be apologising to her about and she may never know which one it is your referring to you say to her "I do because you told me that if i stopped caring about people then you wouldn't be in this situation baring in mind that was to do with the fact i got amnesia but i didn't listen to you again." Natasha replies to that saying "that's fine because you haven't forgotten anything this time." However you may not have forgotten anything this time you haven't got your memory back either but you get that she mentioned that to help make this situation feel better for you. "No... No, I haven't. That's good." The two of you don't say anything else to another, you both accept the silence between you both. As Natasha allows herself to lightly bring down her guard to you with each tear that falls from her face splashing onto your hands whereas for you, as of now you're taking the detail of her face into your brain one last time. Some part of your life had turned out better. You're not sure when but you can tell some things have changed and you can't help but think it has something to do with Natasha. Because when you look at her, you feel a glow or warmth within, as if her happiness was contagious in all the right ways.