Loving Phoenix (Impact Of Her Adaptation) GirlxGirl

Five- Phoenix

"Say something, please." 

Hayley was laid out in the hospital bed beneath me, her thumbs rubbing slow, soothing circles over my chest. One hand rested over my once-shattered heart, which suddenly began to race beneath skin that was on high alert, covered in goosebumps she'd caused simply by touching me; just by breathing.

Love felt like too small of a word when it came to us. We were so much more.

"I'm taking you home, Hales." The words were a vow, a promise that I was done running away from whatever this was. Whatever it was between us. Keeping her meant I would have to risk her safety, but that wasn't something I was willing to do.

 I fuckin' loved this girl.

For better or worse. No matter what this life threw our way, I would protect her. I would love her, anyway. Fuck. If she got hurt because of the life I led, I didn't know if I could ever forgive myself. But if the last twenty-four hours had taught me anything, it was that we needed each other.

Her nails pressed into my neck as tears rolled down her cheeks, trailing past the perfect lips I'd been obsessed with from day one. I couldn't let her go again. I wouldn't.

Never again.

"Home?" Lifting her up, I helped her to her feet, then carefully removed the hospital gown before reaching for the pair of fresh clothes I'd retrieved from her apartment. I knew she wouldn't complain about wearing her dirty clothes from yesterday, but she would quietly hate it. And I knew her well enough to know that more than anything, she needed to be cared for right now.

"My home, baby girl. Now, put your shoes on so we can get out of here." I didn't let her argue with me. I didn't let her brat. I just handed her the pink, glittery sandals she loved so much, and shrugged on my sweater before reaching for her hand.

A part of me expected her to ask me why. To be angry and blame me for pushing us to this breaking point. To that horrible place where she'd felt so alone in this world, that she'd thought putting a blade to her skin was the only option. I wanted her to be mad at me for that.

I deserved it. My reasons suddenly didn't matter anymore: I had hurt her. Left her. It may as well have been my hand holding that razor to her perfect, porcelain skin. This was all my fault. Somehow, I had to fix it. If she would let me.

When her dainty fingers clasped mine, something in my chest opened up; something that hadn't seen the light in a long time. I hadn't known how much I'd needed that small sign of trust from her, until she'd already given it to me.

Leaning down to whisper in her ear, I couldn't resist trailing my lips across her neck, right where her pulse drummed beneath her silky skin.

"Thank you. How's pizza sound?" Pulling away slightly, she grazed her fingers over my chest before wrapping her arms around me, allowing her face to cuddle right into my neck: right where she'd always laid her head when she used to be mine.

In my eyes, she'd never stopped being mine.

I just had to convince her of that.

"And fried dough?" Her question was an innocent one, one that carried reminiscent affection for all of the times we'd had pizza dates on Friday nights, followed up with fried dough and milkshakes most of the time.

"Yeah, baby girl. And fried dough."

Looking down at her, my eyes fixed on the gauze that covered her arm. My heart hurt something fierce, knowing that I could have lost her, today.

She hadn't simply cut herself. She'd accidentally burst a vein in her arm, causing massive bleeding and an artery to be severed. Hayley had been in this hospital for close to two days, and she was supposed to have remained there for observation. But I'd never been a very patient woman. If it came to it, I would call Matias. With a nursing license from his time in college, he could care for my baby girl until she was back to health.

If he didn't, he'd be a dead man.

"I haven't been discharged." Hayley wasn't asking; she knew better. If I wanted to take her out of this hospital, there wouldn't be anyone stopping me. She may not have known the details about who my family was, or what I did for work, but she knew that I could protect her. That I had not only the means, but also the drive to hurt any-fucking-body that dared to touch a hair on her head.

"My brother will be at the house, just in case. But I need you home, with me." Halting near the doors that exited the hospital, I reached down and played with the ends of her hair, silently reminding myself of everything I could have lost in the last 24 hours.

"I need you, Hales." The break in my voice was a vulnerability that I would never have dared to let anybody else witness. But with her, I did. Because I trusted this girl right here—she'd never given me a reason not to.

Emotion clogged my throat. I couldn't stop the thick, stinging tears from building behind my eyes, then dripping past my cheeks and off of my chin. I was sure it was fucking up my makeup, but in that moment, I didn't care.

Hayley could see me cry. Maybe then, she would realize that even if I didn't tell her the sweet, lovey things she'd always needed from me, I did trust her. I did love her. Madly.

If I didn't, I wouldn't let her see this, would I? .

"Oh, Nix, don't." The tears continued to trickle down my face as she clung to me, wiping my cheeks even as more tears leaked past her fingers.

She couldn't leave me. I wouldn't let her.

I didn't care what her reasons were. She would not be leaving me, ever. I would make sure of that.

She could have died on that table. She could have left this world thinking I hadn't loved her. Never knowing she'd been my whole damn world.

I didn't know how to tell her those things. I didn't know how to tell her how angry I was at her, or how sorry I felt for making her feel the way she had. How much I regretted... everything.

There was only one word that I knew she would understand. One word that would push past all of the confusion I was currently feeling. Just one word that would make her realize I hadn't ever stopped loving her.

"Red."