Loving Phoenix (Impact Of Her Adaptation) GirlxGirl

Six- Hayley

Hayley

"Red." If a single word ever had the ability to stop my heart, this would be the one.

It was our safe word. Our way of telling each other that we needed everything to stop. Sometimes, it meant the scene had gotten to be too much for me and I needed it to stop. Right then. Right there.

But to Phoenix? It meant something completely different. Saying that small, three-letter word meant she needed to press pause. She needed to take a break. But most of all? She needed me to be the strong one. The one to help her fit her broken pieces together.

Maybe she even needed me to be her rock, even though for most of our relationship, she'd been mine.

My shoulder to cry on.

My mistress. My lover. My safe place. But I could be hers, too. She just had to let me.

"Phoenix." Her name was ripped from my throat as it pushed through my aching chest, slipping from my lips with an emotion I couldn't name. Fear. Hope. Love. They all swarmed inside my belly, much bigger and scarier than the butterflies that were taking flight inside of me.

There were no rules to tell me what I should have done right then, because it had never happened before.

And as I pushed her long brown hair back from her face, running my thumbs under her eyes where tears still sparkled, I realized I wanted to be her person. I wanted to be her safe place, because she would always be mine.

"Tell me you love me." Fear and hope filled my heaving chest in equal measure as the words hung in the air between us, but I wanted the hope to win. I didn't want to feel the pain her rejection would cause, because my heart would break all over again. That thought scared me more than anything else ever had.

Say it, I begged her internally. My heart couldn't take her leaving again—I needed her to stay. I needed her in the most intimate, deeply-engrained ways, and the only way I could have her was if she admitted the truth. If she loved me, she wouldn't hurt me again. I had to believe that.

Because hurting the person you love is the harshest, cruelest pain one could ever face. I knew that from experience. Even though she'd left me, part of me knew that I'd pushed her to t

I needed her too much. I had asked for more than our dynamic entailed. And because of that, she'd left me behind.

I would never make that mistake again. This time, she had to know what I wanted; no, needed from her. I needed her everything. And this time around, I wouldn't settle for less.

After a few minutes of simply gazing at me with those big, intense eyes of hers, something finally seemed to have broken loose inside of her. The expressionless mask she had always worn to guard that broken girl inside of her slipped away, and there was just Phoenix—my Phoenix—staring back at me.

Her eyes darkened as she seemed to snap back to herself. Locking her hands around my hips, she pulled me closer and closer into her, until all I could feel were her lush curves and her warm skin against mine.

God, I'd missed her.

"Not here, baby girl."

My limbs felt heavy and my chest was tight with nerves as Phoenix pressed a warm hand to the small of my back, closing the door to her apartment behind us. Letting my eyes wander around the once-familiar space, I couldn't help but remember the first time she'd brought me here. The first night we spent together wasn't supposed to have meant anything. It was just an escape, a way to forget the anxiety of college classes and the constant worry about my mom's declining health. She'd put on a brave face for my sisters and me, but I knew she was scared. Mom wasn't getting better.

Until one day she did. She had become happy and healthy in her remission from cancer, and I'd thanked God for that fact every single day. At the time, though, a night of no-strings sex was all I had needed. A night to forget all my worries, at least for a little while.

The incredible feeling of Phoenix's fingers skating over my lips had brought me back to the present. We weren't just a memory anymore, because she was here. She was finally here.

My eyes burned with tears of relief at the thought, even as my heart fluttered with fear that she'd disappear again. Because even though I was here in her apartment, she hadn't spoken those three words back to me when I'd uttered them to her just an hour ago.

When I'd begged her to stay, she hadn't said yes. That knowledge was like a lead weight pressing down onto my chest, making it fucking impossible to breathe.

"Bath?" My lips parted upon seeing the dark look in her eyes. The hunger and worry were battling for dominance in her assessing gaze, as if she could see right through me. As if she could read my mind.

If anyone could read me like that, I was sure it would be her. At one time, she'd been my whole world. The person I went to when the world had become too hard for me to handle, when I felt like I could no longer breathe under the weight of it.

I'd always trusted her to give me what I needed. Sometimes, I had needed her to hold me while I cried through the night, to be someone who was allowed to see the darkest parts of me. Someone that wouldn't shy away from all of my damaged, broken pieces. But sometimes, it was something much darker. Sometimes, I needed the pain, the submission, the pleasure—all wrapped into one. And God, did she give that to me. In spades. It made me ache in the most painful way that I might not ever feel that from her again. That I may never call her mistress again. That I may never be able to give myself to her again. Beyond all the pain and betrayal her departure had left me with, I still missed her, so much. I still needed her, so much.

She knew that, didn't she?

Unable to speak through the emotions that suddenly clogged my throat, I forced a smile to spread across my cheeks, nodding in agreement. Phoenix's eyebrows creased together in worry as she peered down at me. Somehow, she knew not to ask about what was bothering me, even though it was evident there was something on my mind. Taking one of my hands in hers, I sighed happily as I felt her face drop to mine, her lips lingering on my temple as if she were once again reminding herself that I was there. My pulse raced at her closeness, her lips grazing my hairline with such a small, gentle touch, but it was one that I felt all the way down to my bones.