warm fleece and kitchen sink teeth

aches

cw: heavy thoughts of suicide.

your feet feel just as sore as your heart does. the weight on your knees feels as heavy as the weight in your chest. exhausted was an understatement.

you don't know where you are. it doesn't take a genius to know that the building you are in is large. your watch reads 9:27pm, you guess that you have been roaming around this place for approximately two hours. it feels later than that, you think.

you've ascended and descended a few different flights of stairs. you have turned a few corners, passed multiple locked doors. you've given up on trying to find another person here. it feels crushingly lonely. there isn't much noise besides your footsteps; you hear the humming of fluorescent lights and the creaking of air conditioning units, but there doesn't seem to be another living soul around you. you decided earlier that you might as well explore before you try to leave as you had no where to be, no where to go.

the silence offers you no distraction from your inner turmoil. it's true, you haven't felt like yourself lately. every day has felt the same. the promise of tomorrow held no value to you. in fact, the idea of tomorrow had always left a pit in your stomach. the last few days you felt like it wouldn't matter if you woke up or not.

of course it matters. you blink hard and slowly shake your head. you continue to shuffle down the hallway,  staring at the faded blue carpet under your feet.

you've tried distracting yourself in healthy ways and in unhealthy ways, but it was only so effective in hiding the absolute heartache you've felt as of late. you weren't sure what else to do, you have no motivation to do the things that need to be done. it all feels meaningless to you.

you know you don't actually want to end your life, you just want life as you know it to come to an end. it's a wretched feeling, one that you want to get rid of so desperately but you know better.

your feet ache. your eyes feel heavy and you don't need a mirror to know there are dark colored bags under them.

the end of the hallway you are walking down has a light out. the dimness of the area gives you instant relief from the other harsh florescent lights. subconsciously, you feel your feet come to a halt. the corner of this building feels dreary, but it feels like the perfect place to stop for a while.

you take a few steps to the wall to your right and sink to the floor. you cannot help the sigh that escapes your mouth. it feels nice to be off of your feet and to have your back rest against the slightly cool wall. you stare at your shoes. exhaustion creeps in alongside of relief, and you cannot think of anything other than a nap.

it wouldn't hurt to rest your eyes for a bit, so you do. you deserve a break.