This morning, was, well in one word, shitty.
I was forced awake at 9, come on, I'm on holliday, let me sleep in, specially as I'm slowly becoming a nocturnal animal, had cheese for breakfast. Was crap cheese. Had to take brother to the dentist, in the car waiting for him I was listening to "Thorns" by Charlie Simpson, half way through, my mum said to me;
"You don't look very happy.Why?"
I didn't answer out loud, but honestly, when do I look happy lately, sure I can have sudden moments of pure bliss, but everyone does. But most of my life seems to be devoured by other people's lives, mostly my brothers. He's horrible for talking over others.
Beatle stuck in my rooom at the moment, hoenstly, I don't see why people enjoy going out, talking to other people, having friends really. I dislike, no, hate, being around people. I crave to be alone alot, I hate company if the croud is bigger then two or three people.
I was reading "Unsaid Things" by McFly earlier, and found out, Tom, went to Air Cadets, I have to admit, freely I admit now, that I miss going to scouts, and seeing all those arseholes who make me laugh, Cadets is stricter, and sometimes a whole lot more enjoyable, but Scouts has something even better. Probably because I went to the same Scout place for 6 years.
I was listening to Panic at the D!sco ealier, and just hearing their lyrics made me realise how much I'm not alone with my feeling. I must be boring you? You probably enjoy talking to other people, so no offence, but humas are stupid. Mankind, we should not have evolved. Apes, that would be nice. Running around, free, able to run away from home with out worry.
Life would be nice.
I was searching up different sexualities the other week, and came across something called Pansexuality, no it's not when you make out with kitchen were (Like_A_Boss12), it's where you can love someone no matter what gender they are. Becuase if your straight you love the other gender, if your lezbo you love girls because they are girls, if you are gay you love guys because they are the same gender as you.
Pansexuality is different. You can love someone and not give a flipping shit about what gender they are, wether they have a dick, or a vigina, or if it's a girl with a boy's part, or a boy with a girl's part, Pansexuality makes you look past that, and only care about the person on the inside.
I dunno what I am, but shyly I think I am Pan.
I have to admit something else, I am a total geek, which is probably another reason why I don't like talking to other people, because I prefer telly and books. If I have a book and music, I don't need human company. I even go as far as trying to ignor my family.
I'm low.
Maybe when I'm older and I start drinking, I could hit the bottom every night, and get through the next day with a little help from different stuff. The perfect job would be famous, even though every body is watching you, judging you, you have close to no restrictions.
If you go to the shop and buy drink and drink at home alone, no one would know. No one would realise if you did stronger stuff, you could become a Hermit, I would love to be a Hermit, human company every ten years or more. Perfection.
It's quater past seven, and I haven't been alowed on my swing for alone time, so I will probably go stir-crazy by tomorrow. More like by 8 o'clock tonight. And I have no chocolate to nibble on. Brilliant. I have twenty pounds, but I can't spend it, because I am not allowed to walk to the shop alone.
Watching Doctor Who, not really paying attention because I have my headphones in, just sat here, with my mum and brother at the computer watching some Drill command thingy in England, my dad still not home, well it's a Friday, so he might pop out to the pub of a beer or something.
I'm sitting here alone, not even my dog's want to hang out with me, I don't think my family like me as much as my brother. Even though he is a cocky little shit at times. But then again, you can see him, not like him, talk to him, and immidiatly like him. Unlike me.
I'm going to admit something, I don't think I would ever normally admit it, but, honestly, my brother is my role model. You know people are normally like, "Oh this famous person is my role-model because they did amazing stuff." Me, I'm like no, my brother is my role-model because I believe in the stuff he sticks up for. He might be loud, but damn can he get something into someone's head.
I'm gonna go now, I don't feel need to write anything else, so.
