Hopelessly Alone

Chapter 1

Merriam Webster defines family as the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children. But that is far from what I have seen. My 'family' consists of myself and my so-called mother, but we are far from being a family. We are simply two people living under one roof and while she should be taking care of me, at least for another nine months, she is instead taking care of herself and forgetting that she has a daughter.

Unless she needs something, of course.

The proof lies before me as I watch her snort another line of heroin.

Or maybe it's cocaine, today. Who knows?

Beer cans and bottles are scattered around the kitchen as she parties like an irresponsible teen. The air wreaks of marijuana and cigarettes. The noise is deafening as her 'friends' guffaw over the stupidest of things and the music blares from the speakers. I try to ignore it all, I try so hard, but this is getting out of hand.

Yet there is nothing I can do about it.

Sometimes I wish I knew who my dad was and wonder if he is any different from my mom. Probably not though since she met him in a prison. She has never had morals, class or self-respect. She used to go to the local prison and pass herself around like a prostitute without getting paid for it.

No joke.

"Natalia, come here." Betty, my mom's drunk friend slurs. She holds her arms open, gesturing for a hug. "I haven't seen you in years!" She exclaims, smiling crazily at me.

I roll my eyes and turn away, heading for the stairs so I can escape to my room. I came down looking for food, only to find out we didn't have any. Not even bread for toast.

She has not been shopping in a month. Then again, it's hard to do when you trade all your food stamps for alcohol, cigarettes and drugs.

I mean, why support your only child?

She can't even work because she's such an addict and can't function without the stuff.

I run up to my room and lock myself inside. I quickly rummage through my drawers, my closet and my wallet searching for a little bit of money to buy myself something to eat. I manage to scrounge up close to five dollars. After changing my clothes into something warm so I don't freeze my ass off, I run down the stairs and out the front door. With my purse and phone in hand, I head for the store.

I would call Preston to take me, except we broke up... again. As I walk, I think about whether or not I want to continue this 'relationship' we've had for almost two years. We are always on again/off again.

He claims he loves me, but I don't see how. Every time things get a little rough, he wants to end it.

He's always the one to end it. Even if it is just for a couple of weeks to a month. He's always the one breaking up with me for some reason or another.

I shake my head at my own thoughts.

There's no use wondering if we're going to make it because I know we won't. I have no plans to stick around after graduation. I want to leave this place and never look back. I want to get as far away from this life I'm currently living and give myself so much more than what I'm getting.

I deserve more. A lot more.

I hear a car approaching from behind me and I step closer to the edge of the road, so I don't get hit. There are no sidewalks between my house and the store, which could be dangerous, but I've walked this path so many times, I could most definitely walk it in my sleep.

I hear the car slow down, almost stopping next to me. "Hey, Nat." I hear a familiar voice call out. "You need a ride?"

Christopher Johnson, Preston's best friend is creeping up next to me, his passenger window down so I can hear him. I ignore him and keep facing forward, walking a little faster. Chris speeds up a bit, to keep up with me.

"Come on, Natalia. Don't play like that." He groans, coming to a complete stop. I scoff and shake my head but continue walking.

I'm in no mood to speak to him. If it weren't for Chris, Preston never would have broken up with me last week. Chris had told him he saw me out with Brandon, one of the guys from our school's football team. So naturally, Preston thought I was cheating on him.

Little did he know, I was actually at home, dealing with my own demons...

"Nat." Chris tries again, stepping out of his car. I hear him sigh before I hear his feet hit the ground. He jogs up to me and grabs my arm, lightly, forcing me to stop. "Come on. Talk to me." He begs, his blue eyes glittering with frustration.

I push him away from me, but his grip only tightens. "I have nothing to say." I grit through my teeth. "Now, let go." I tug on my arm, but he doesn't give up.

He clenches his jaw, narrowing his eyes down at me.

Chris is considerably taller than me. He's at least a foot and a half taller and he towers over my smaller frame. His sandy blonde hair blows messily in the night air, making him appear effortlessly gorgeous.

I can't lie. Christopher Johnson is hot. But his attitude sucks. He thinks he can have whatever he wants and does whatever he wants, no matter who he hurts in the process.

"I did it for a reason." He hisses, pulling me closer.

"Oh right!" I exclaim, laughing sarcastically. "And what was that reason, again?" I yell, pushing against his chest.

He doesn't budge.

He sighs and shakes his head. "I can't tell you." He brings his free hand up and takes my other arm, pulling me just a little bit closer. "But I promise you," he starts, staring into my light blue eyes, "everything will come out, soon enough."

I shake my head and look away. I have a fairly good idea as to why he lied and told Preston that I cheated on him. I don't know all the facts right now, but I guarantee I am right.

"He's seeing someone else, isn't he?" I ask, quietly, turning back to him.

His brows furrow and he sighs, bowing his head. Tears spring to my eyes, humiliation sweeping over me. I nod once and step away from him. With a sad smile tossed his way, I turn around and put one foot in front of the other, changing up my destination.

I'm ready to forget this day, completely.

I'm ready to forget those around me.

I'm ready to forget who I am and what I stand for.

Tonight, I hit the ground running.

Running away from my pathetic life.

Running away from the people that claim they care about me.

Running away from the hurt that is tearing up my insides.

I'll probably wake up with regret, but right now, I don't give a damn.