Hopelessly Alone

Chapter 3

Have you ever felt so trapped inside your body, that you weren't sure if what was happening to you was really happening? Like your mind is playing tricks on you and making you think something was happening, even though it wasn't? Or wishing so hard that what was currently happening to you, made you go so completely numb that you don't realize it's been over for a while?

I'm currently wishing so hard that what's happening isn't, even though I know it is. He's touching me where I don't want to be touched, doing things to me that I don't want done. No matter how much I cry and beg him to stop, it seems to encourage him to continue.

By him, I mean my mom's boyfriend.

I was asleep in my bed when someone's hands woke me up. I was being touched by someone that wasn't Preston. I push the hands away, but they grasp onto mine and place them above my head. I whimper, quietly, begging him to stop.

"You know you like it." He responds in a cocky tone. His breath wreaks of alcohol as he places small kisses from my cheek to my ear. "Don't you, Baby Girl?" He nips my ear and tears run down my cheeks.

"Please stop." I beg. "Please."

He chuckles, wickedly, gripping tightly onto my hands as I try to wiggle out of his hold. His free hand caresses my chest, before trailing down below the blanket.

"Yes, beg me, Natalia. I love hearing you cry for me." I want to scream at him, but I know it won't do me any good.

I learned to keep quiet whenever he did this. I tried to tell my mom what was happening, but instead of believing me, she got angry and beat me. She accused me of being jealous and wanting what she had. She didn't do anything to protect me from this monster. If fact, her ignorance only encouraged him to keep going.

I bite my lip to stop a scream from escaping. My lungs are burning as I hold in my cries. My eyes are blurring my vision and I squeeze them shut, praying for this to end soon. My body starts to shut down and I am left feeling numb as he sexually assaults me, knowing he can and will get away with it as I no longer put up a fight.

It only leaves me with scars and bruises, so what's the point?

I wake with a gasp, panting for air as sweat starts dripping down the back of my neck. It takes me a moment to realize that it was just a nightmare and in the next second, I realize that I am at school.

I look around me, hoping that no one caught my little episode and dread fills me when I see Chris staring at me with a knowing glint in his eyes. I roll my eyes and dip my head, staring down at my desk.

That was a close call.

That nightmare was too real and too close to home.

I jump when the bell rings and shoot up from my seat, preparing to sprint out of Science class.

Unfortunately, the tall blonde muscular wall doesn't allow me to escape, peacefully.

"Not now, please." I say quietly, trying to release his hold on me.

"We need to talk." He moves his hand from my arm to my waist and directs us out of the classroom. His grip on my waist tightens as I try to step away from him, feeling uncomfortable with everyone's gaze on us.

"They're staring." I grit out, elbowing him in the ribs.

The move doesn't deter him from loosening his hold. Instead, he shrugs his shoulders as he glares at the passing students. "So. Let them."

Immediately, most of them turn their heads away from us, pretending to be interested in something else.

Chris walks past everyone, past our lockers, the bathrooms and our next class. He doesn't stop until we are at the school's exit and that's only long enough to open the door with his free hand. Once we step outside, I inhale deeply, filling my lungs with fresh air and trying to wash away the disoriented feeling in my head.

"Come with me." Chris says, directing us to the parking lot.

I furrow my brows. "Where are we going?" I ask, attempting to move away from his hold again.

He doesn't let up, though. "For a ride." He says simply.

I sigh and roll my eyes but follow him anyway. I could use a distraction if I'm honest.

Once we get to his truck, he unlocks it and opens the passenger door for me. I climb in and buckle up, setting my backpack on the floor between my feet. "Let me take that." Chris says, picking up my bag and tossing it into the back seat, along with his.

"Thanks." I reply, sitting comfortably in the truck. He closes my door and walks around the front, jumping into the driver's seat.

The engine roars to life after he's buckled in and we head out of the school parking lot.

The only sound is coming from his radio that's currently playing Disturbed. Chris lowers the volume a bit, as it was blaring when we first got started on the road. "Sorry." He mumbles, fiddling with the button on his steering wheel. "Didn't realize it was so loud."

I shrug. "No worries." We all like to listen to loud music occasionally. "Music is supposedly the key to a person's emotions. It helps us explore ideas and emotions and express ourselves without words."

"Wow." He says, slowly. "That's deep." He chuckles, his eyes crinkling in the corners. "Where did you hear that?" He asks, turning to me and looking me over briefly, before turning his attention back to the road.

"Read it on the internet." I reply, gazing out the window.

He makes a noise in the back of his throat. "So, what kind of music do you listen to, then?" He asks, curiously.

I think about my playlist on Pandora and Spotify. It's a mixture of random songs. There isn't any one genre that I listen to. "Depends on my mood." I admit.

Most days I listen to OneRepublic, Avril Lavigne, Panic at the Disco, and Fall Out Boy, but there are also days I like to listen to older music like Boyz 2 Men, Usher, and so on. It's not often, but once in a great while I'll listen to older country.

Sometimes I imagine myself living in a different place with different people. I imagine having a loving mother and father, maybe a brother or sister. Grandparents who actually know me and love me. A caring boyfriend, even...

I shake my head to clear my thoughts. "What would you be listening to right now if you could choose any song?" He asks.

I think for a moment. "Probably High Hopes by Panic at the Disco."

He nods his head. "Mm. I think I've heard that song before."

I don't doubt it. Probably from one of the many parties he's attended with Preston and their skanks.

I internally scoff and stare out the window, noticing we have left town. "Where are we going?" I ask again, hoping he's not taking me to some dark place where he can do what he wants with me and leave me behind.

"Well, first we're stopping for food, then I'm taking you to my favorite place." He admits. My stomach quietly rumbles at the thought of food, but I don't have any money on me. I'm thankful he didn't hear over the sound of music playing, as that would be embarrassing enough, but to not order anything because I have no money? That's mortifying, especially since I'm sure he'll be eating in front of me.

I haven't eaten since yesterday morning. And not by choice.

"I'm good." I lie, not wanting to divulge the truth.

He looks at me, curiously, before signaling to take a right turn into McDonald's. "You look like you haven't eaten in a few days. You're ordering food."

I bow my head, so my hair curtains my face. My cheeks heat up at his implication. If he only knew...