full moon ☾ → n.h.

☾86 | New Year's Eve

[5091 words]

Patri

I nervously looked at my reflection in the mirror once again and I almost broke out in tears as I shook my head and turned around. I undid my belt and was about to strip down my black jeans when the doorbell rang, and Levi called my name.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," I hissed and quickly fixed my pants and belt again, then stepped to my dresser to give the impression of looking after something instead of having a nervous breakdown because of my anxiety level.

I already heard her voice, and a moment later she knocked once on my door before she opened it and peeked in.

"Hi, babe. Can we go?" she walked in and closed the door after herself.

I nibbled on my lip then let the walls fall down as I turned around to her with tears flooded cheeks.

"Oh, P, what's wrong?" Julia grabbed my face and wiped away my tears with her thumbs.

"I d-don't know, I'm just..." I barely could speak when the sobbing broke free, and Julia pulled me into her, her hands still remaining on my cheeks.

"Hey, hey, I'm here. Breathe for me, okay? Shh," I could see in her eyes that she got worried, and that made me pull myself together and breathe in and out as she told me. "Good, you're doing good, baby. Just concentrate on breathing and let me give you a big hug, okay?" her hands slipped down from my face, and I let her pull me into her hug. I laid my face at her shoulder and hugged her body strongly because I felt like I needed her to hold myself together.

I didn't really know what's gotten into me. Well, I know, I'm nervous, but until now, I didn't realise how much.

We stood there for minutes straight, yet I felt that it was too soon when she softly pulled me away from her. Our eyes met, and I let out a dashed sigh meanwhile she slowly smiled at me.

"Do you feel a bit better?"

I nodded as an answer, and she pulled me to my bed to sit down. I was looking at my hands while I felt Julia's gaze on my face and I realised that the silence and her presence helped me calm down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked quietly.

"I'm nervous."

"Because of the party?"

"Because of Niall," I whispered and swallowed, but the lump in my throat didn't want to go away.

"Did you talk?"

"No. Not since the last messages, I showed you yesterday."

"Do you want to go? Because you know you don't have to."

"I know and I want to go. I just... I was so excited to see him again that I blended out how nervous I was at the same time."

"Hey, that's okay. Of course, you're feeling nervous, I'd feel the same. But there is nothing you have to worry about. We go there, you talk, we have a good time then we come home. I won't leave your side unless you tell me to. Okay?" she grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers.