Jesus X Shrek X lightning McQueen

the homeroom teacher

Lightning McQueen's Pov
After seeing Jesus I quickly ran away, Jesus obviously chased after me but I managed to outrun him and hid in the bathroom
"Okay only a few more minutes till the bell rings, then I'll go to homeroom" I mumbled to myself, and sure enough within a few minutes the bell rang and I walked homeroom. When I got to homeroom I saw Shrek and I decided to sit next to him
"Hey, nice to see you again" I said with confidence
"O-oh hello lightning McQueen" Shrek studdard
"So anyw-" before lightning McQueen could finish his sentence in The home room teacher burst through the door
"HELLO GUYS, GALS, AND NON-BINARY PALS" the homeroom  teacher shouted "my name is lil nas x  but you students will call me Mr Nas!"
The whole class nodded in complete silence, Mr. Nas continued his introduction and talked about the music career he had before he was a teacher, apparently his music career wasn't very successful so he used his degree in teaching he got and put it to use. I started to observe the classroom, it was a rather nice classroom with big windows and pictures of Mr Nas when he was still in the music industry, and then I saw it. A stripper pole in the corner of his room with a pair of high heels next to it.
"Mr Nas?" I said raising my hand
"Yes? What's so important that you must interrupt my introduction over" lil Nas replied annoyed
"Why is there a stripper pole in the corner of this classroom?! We're only in high school! Meaning we're still minors!!" I replied
"Oh! I thought that was obvious, I was not only in the music industry but I was a stripper! It's a great side job if you ask me, you make a bunch of money!" Mr Nas said with no hesitation
I nodded, Mr Nas continued with his loud introduction and a list of rules, his rules were rather simple
1. We can't wear more bling than him
2. Homophobes will be forced to dance on the stripper pole for 10 minutes straight until they give into the gay
3. The last 15 minutes of the class you are free to do whatever you feel
4. Take your horses to the Old Town road
5. Ride till you can't no more
6. put the horses in the back

After he went over his set of rules it came to introductions
"Emily why don't you get us started!" Mr Nas shouted
"Okay! My name is Emily, my favorite color is a very pale orange with a hint of blue and a hint of red, but not super blue also it's not super bright it's more of a toned down color. And one of my favorite hobbies is writing out all my feelings about boys on Ao3 and expressing all those nasty details" Emily said proudly
I got second hand embarrassment listening to Emily's introduction to the point where I didn't even bother to listen to the others I simply just zoned out. I started daydreaming about Shrek. Rusty would be furious, I can't let my thoughts get ahead of myself.
"Lightning?? Lightning McQueen??!" Mr Nas said concerningly
"HUH?! WHAT??" I screeched
"It's your turn to introduce yourself." Mr Nas replied
"My name is lightning McQueen, and I enjoy cars" I said boldly
"So you like fucking cars??" I heard a kid say from the front of the classroom
"N-no not like that!! I just like car parts!" I shouted not realizing what I had said
"That's even worse Bozo!! 😹👎" They said in a snobby tone
"You know what I mean! you're just trying to be difficult!!" I said embarrassed
"Boys! BOYS! Let's settle down we all know lightning didn't mean it like that! Also your not one to be taking Jake, you already have 10 minutes on the stripper pole!" Mr Nas said
Of course his name is Jake I don't know what else I expected! But this will be interesting to see him on the pole..

---10 minutes later---

"IT'S THE TIME YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR! WE FINALLY GET TO SEE JAKE AND TRY TO DANCE ON THE POLE!" Mr Nas said sounding happier than ever
Everybody quickly gathered around the pole including me. Jake started to dance and I had to admit he was good almost too good.. I felt my face turned red all the months of denial I can't hide it anymore!! I'm gay?!?

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Hello it's been a while I've just been too lazy to update this tbh. Expect like a month at the least for an update