The Teenage Mind

Part II

Alone

Waking up another day wondering where the time has gone. It seems like the last few years have just slipped right through my fingers. Like I wasn't breathing enough to even look around. All the days are just clashing together. There is no day and night anymore, just awake and asleep. I try self-medicating and it helps sometimes, but other days there isn't enough weed in the world to help me. I feel so down in the ruts. Begging someone to find me and save me. No one does. I sit here in silence, now and forever. Wishing to make memories again with those people who we promised forever with.

Soulmate

I had that person. That person that I will forever feel attached to. I did. I swear to God I did. Everything was perfect there was no room for cheating or loving someone else. They were my sun and I was their moon but we drifted. After hooking up for the last time that's when it faded away. I just want to take it back. I want to take it all back, but I can't. So now I walk past them and pretend like what we didn't have was the best relationship ever. I have to pretend that we never told each other forever, because forever can't be promised and I hope in another life that we don't drift and we could just be happy. Every dream I have of them I'm begging and pleading for them to turn around, to look at how I changed. They never even give me a glance. It's like my whole world is unbalanced without them. They made me love myself. They gave me a reason to keep going. They had my heart, but I ripped it out of their hands and stomped on it with my own two feet. Yet they will never know how much I still think of them. They never know that I still drive the backroads we used to go on, singing every song that we claimed as ours. They will never know how much I read through our old texts pretending like I was still going to see them. I can't tell you how much it hurts when you lose a soul mate. The other half of your puzzle piece and you just let them slip through your fingers because you can't appreciate the things that are good in life.

The past

There are some days my mind will not allow me to think about anything but the bad things I have done to you. The lying and cheating. I want to take it all back, but I cant erase the past. I just hope you know my heart still longs for you. I was just a dumb high schooler. I never knew how much I would miss you in the days without texting or calling you. I never knew what I had until I told you it was over. I wish I didn't have to live in this life knowing I had something wonderful.

My summer fling

You were the one that was exciting. I experienced new things with you. I hold you dear to my heart. Thank you for those great summer nights. Thank you for everything you did to let me know that I was important. Even though we were together for two months, I will forever remember the life lessons I learned from you. Thank you for imprinting on my heart, making it warmer.

For my ex-lover

I hope that I can be the reason you smile one more time. I hope that I can be there to wipe your tears one more time. I hope one day I get to tell you I love you one last time. I could then slip away into nothingness forever with no regrets.

Night

I'm tired of spending my nights alone. Longing for the feeling of warmth. I just want to feel you against my skin. Nothing else but you on my mind. Us against the world. Like it used to be. No longer I but us. Your smile looking at me. The beautiful eyes I get lost in. Nothing matters with you. I'm so tired of feeling.

The Closing Act

When wounds start to heal, it can be confusing. Not everyone has the chance to get closure. When I got mine it felt like my world was upside down. To hear how they felt really set in perspective on how I can be and it fuels me with this want to be different. Heart break is scary, but it has its way of mending in a way you don't expect it to. I know before today I felt as if I was at the end of my rope, like there was no need to try. But now, I feel like I can do this and I can do better for myself. I want to have the opportunity to love someone else and to be honest and keep my promises to them. I want to make sure they get what they need from me, but I also want to make sure that I am also getting what I need from me. Working on that task will be difficult but I will soon find the balance of things. A friend told me once that even though I've made big mistakes and have hurt others, I still deserve to be happy. I will carry that with me forever now. There is no reason to think about the past and let it hurt me, I need to learn from it and move on. I think starting today I will live with my head up high and not look back.