The Teenage Mind

Part I

Thoughts

When life gives me a million other things to think about,
My mind goes straight to you.

My Crush

As I see you in my mind once again,
I simply smile and that was the end.

Rain

I cant help but love the rain
Every time I'm in pain

Candidates

I found a person,
I mistaken their ability.
I found a person,
But put on the pressure again.

Pain

Body aches
Bad thoughts
Wont take a break
Once were fought

Starts to feel unreal
After a while of numbness
It's easier to conceal
All the ruckus

But when it hits
It hits hard
It emits
A stabbing shard

Satan

With my devilish heart
And many sins
My true art
Lives in the dens

That I've created
In my prison
All hand written
Poems of poison

Head Space

High expectations,
Meaningless conversations.
More decisions,
No discussions.
Hearing my words,
But knowing nothing.

Phone Screen

Texting feels like hiding
Behind the keyboard
Putting thoughts into writing
Seemingly not bored

Yet truly connecting
Is better than this
Like hand holding
Or a breath taking kiss

There is no relationship
Through a cellphone
There is no friendship
To be known

Her poem

You look so beautiful
Like the morning sunrise
Where the flowers are bountiful
And morning dew of July's

With soft skin
And faithful eyes
No where lies sin
Where love never dies

My heart belongs to her
My soul is hers
Just like we were
Together with fires

I love you.
With all my heart
I hope you do too
Till the day we part

My Lover

When Im alone
I start to think,

Why do I live?
Why do I proceed?

I have yet to find a reason
For the way I feel.
Under so much stress,
But what causes it?

My family is non-existent.
My friends are not real.
My goals are not set.
Yet I carry on.

I live out this life,
Searching.
One reason to tell me
Why I should live.

Never to find the reason,
I start to focus on one sense.
Sense of touch,
It gives me chills.

The sensory nerves in my finger tingle
At the sight of your skin.
The skin that makes my toes curl.
The feel of something I need and want.

Desperately reaching out,
Just so my fingers can glide
Against the skin
That makes me feel ecstasy.

Needy is what I am.
Needing the touch
Of one lover.
Over and over.

The skin makes my body,
Shake and quake.
Knowing it's the need
That pulls me in deeper.

How do they do that?
Pulling me in with their eyes,
Without looking in mine.
Witch.

Like a spell of
Dangerous magic.
Under the power
Of such beauty.

When will they say,
Come here.
When will they say,
I'm needy, too.

Drowning

Drowning. I can't see in front of me. It feels like the air has been stolen from my lungs. My fingertips feel cool, crisp air. I can't open my eyes, but I feel as I'm sinking. It's growing colder and my legs feel numb. I cant move. I try to, but my brain isnt working. Am I alive? Before I can answer I start to feel sharp pains on my thighs and wrists. Someone help! I scream in my head, but nothing comes out. Is this how I end. In a cold and suffering state. I guess this is what I get. My thoughts begin to fade. There is nothing but silence now.

My song

I mostly bury all my memories down deep. I dont want to think about how happy I once was. I cant go back so what's the point. Just like running in circles for 18 years. It's not moving forward and is definitely holding me back. If I listen to the right song I relive the happy points but only for 3 minutes. Then reality comes back to me. Ill never have the calm and happiness back. Stuck in chaos. Everything around just brings me down. The people who told me to keep going are gone and I live only by a weird drive to go on. I cant manage this feeling of numbness and tearing. Everyday I go by being ripped to shreds. Not living for me. Trying to do what everyone else thinks is right. Sometimes I wish I could break out of this cycle but theres no hope for me. Just withering away like rocks in the ocean. The erosion taking over till theres nothing left. Breaking a little each time. No where to go. No where to hide. Trapped in my own mind.

Rain II

Loving the rain doesn't always come easy. Dark gloomy skies that rain down heavily. But sometimes it matches my inner mind set. Sometimes it rains day after day. Or just a little sprinkle. Most of the time it has a way of making sense to me. When I feel like my days are ending and time is slowing and there seems to be no end, the rain stops. It doesnt have to be more than a minute. But that one little break gives me hope to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

Hurting

How can you say you love someone and wanting to take your life. Like how do you take your own life when someone loves you. Because its hard to live for someone else when you dont even wanna live. I wake up everyday thinking today is the day, but it never is. I just want die and have no one care. Im tired of living for everyone else. Life is a pain i didnt ask for. And I understand everyone has there own shit but I cant deal with my shit. I cant go through life putting on a smile if what I feel isnt a smile. It sucks being in the position to live for someone else or die for my peace. I cant look in the mirror anymore aand say that im ok, because im not. My mind is so upset my body cant fix it. I just get sick. Fainting and chest pains is all I feel anymore. But I cant change it. Theres nothing I can do to change my happiness because ive never known it. I dont know what true relief feels like. To just be fine. I wish for better days but they never come. I hope for a better life but it never changes. Im stuck in this position and theres nothing I can do about it except end my life. I dont remember living a day where I didnt think I was better off dead. I cant even sleep anymore. I feel like my world is ending. Im not afraid of dying im just afraid of more suffering.