Song of my Heart

Little Talks

From all the way up the stairs, I can still hear his gentle snores from the couch. They aren't loud and if anyone else were to be sitting on this bed they would not be able to hear them, but i can. I can hear them because they are his, and I have always noticed every little thing that he says or does. That old voice in the back of my head speaks to me again, telling me to hold back but I won't. I won't let myself hold back again. My legs carry me down those same creaky stairs in that same old house, bringing me to him where he rests sleeping on the couch.

I sit next to him, where there is room and as soon as he feels the couch dip and the heat source, he wakes. I watch as his beautiful green eyes flutter open, gazing straight into mine, with the same look as they always did. With pure love. A smile shows itself when he just about jumps on me, immediately wrapping himself in my arms and letting his dirty blond hair, that was always much longer than it should have been, fall in his face. It's strange, he always loved to be held, even if he was much bigger than me.

After a few minutes in my embrace, he picks his head up with a grin on his face, that pretty face. Before I can say anything he brings his lips to mine, making my heart flutter. We have kissed a million times before, but each one never fails to make my heart stop for a moment and make my stomach fill with butterflies. When he pulls away his grin is even bigger than it was before. God his smile was so contagious.

He gets up, grabbing my hand and pulling me off the couch with him. After years of him randomly grabbing my hand and dragging me somewhere I learned to just go with it and let him take me wherever he wants to. I would walk off the end of the earth with him if he had asked me to. He pulls me outside and into the woods. The same woods where we had our first kiss. We ran through them, all the way to the back of the open field that we spent so many sleepless nights in.

𝚈𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚎, 𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚎, 𝚐𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚢

He lets go of my hand but keeps running, but my legs grow very tired and I just can't run anymore. I frantically look around as far as I can see, but don't see any sight of him. He wouldn't just leave me, I know he wouldn't. He knows I'm scared to be alone in the dark, there is no way he would ever forget. He used to hold me anytime we were in the dark together.

𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚝𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍i𝚜𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚛

I try desperately to get my legs to move, but they are just stuck where I lay collapsed on the cold ground. I watched him run off but I just can't follow him. This happened once and I won't let it happen again. I can't lose him again.

Then I see him, slowly he walks back towards me, with something in his hand. My legs no longer feel weak and I stand up and run towards him. I run to my only light in a field of darkness, the one whose smile can shine brighter than the sun. I get about five feet away from him then I stop. My legs wont let me get any closer to him, like there is a barrier between us, preventing me from touching my love again. He gives me a sad smile, the object still hidden behind his back, then realization sets in, hitting me like a dagger through my heart.

𝙰𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚕𝚎𝚏𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞

I feel my face fade from happy, excited and loving to sad and hurt in just a few seconds, and all he can do is give me a sad smile in return. No, no no no this can't be happening, this can't happen again.

𝙽𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚎'𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚗, 𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚗, 𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚗 𝚊𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝

I try running, no, I try sprinting to him but I just can't move, there is no way for me to be held in his warm embrace anymore. This isn't real, there is no way that any of this can be real, I can't lose him again. I cant keep being torn apart from the only person who made me feel truly happy again. The only persons whose laugh could make me smile, even on the worst of days. The one who always knew exactly what to say and when to say it. The one whose lips were always so warm and soft next to mine.

𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎'𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚍𝚘

He takes a step towards me, still hiding that object behind his back, smile slowly fading. I can feel the tears starting to leak from my eyes at this point, I can't hold in the emotion any more. "It isn't your fault George." He takes another step closer. "But- but we saw the signs and ignored them, you could have been saved!" I can't hold in any emotion anymore, tears falling down my face. "Don't cry love, you said it yourself. We saw the signs, I chose to ignore them more than you did, I hid some from you so you wouldn't worry. Heh, I guess that that worked real well" Of course, only he would be able to laugh and make some what light in such a terrible situation. "I could have gotten you to the doctors sooner! Then you would still be here! I could have done something more, paid them more or something! Anything!" He sighs and shakes his head. 'George you know that there was nothing more that anyone could do. Even if we had gone to the hospital sooner, there was still nothing that could have been done. I was just too sick." I shake my head and fall to my knees, legs no longer being able to support my weight.

He walks closer and kneels down to my level, finally revealing what he has in his hands. It is his signature smiley plush figure, the white blob with the sideways and somewhat disformed body, but that same smile that we designed together. He reaches over and hands it to my sobbing and shaking figure on the ground. "It will all be okay George, I promise. I believe in you to be strong, you've always been my biggest support, just remember the good times my love. I left knowing i was loved by you, knowing that I was yours. Don't be afraid to move on my love. I will always love you, and take care of our plush for me." He takes a deep breath.

❝𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚐𝚘 𝚠𝚎'𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚜𝚘𝚘𝚗❞

I startle awake, sitting straight up with sweat covering my body and tears slowly streaming down my cheeks. My legs are tangled in the sheets, and the plush messily thrown on the other side of the bed. I look over to his side of the bed and break down like I did in that dream. That awful, awful dream.

𝙽𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝, 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝, 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝 𝚏o𝚛 𝚖𝚎

"No! No, Dream! Please!" I cry and yell out for no one to hear. "I need you! I need you here with me!" I look up to the sky sobbing again, knowing he is looking down at me, the way he promised that he would on his last day on that bed.

𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍

I reach over and grab the plush, hugging it tightly to my chest and bringing my knees to my chest. He told me I could be strong, but I don't feel strong, I feel like I will never be strong enough. But i know i need to, he would want me to, he just did. Shivers take over my body and the area around me gets colder, and that's when I knew, I just knew that it's him hugging me the same way he always did when I was upset. "Come back.." It comes out as only a whisper, I don't have enough energy to yell anymore. Besides, he didn't want me to. I lay back down, cuddled close to the plush. I feel a cold spot on my forehead, then the cold leaves altogether. I close my eyes, maybe try to drift off to sleep. "I love you too Dream."

𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 i 𝚏𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚙

That one was a bit sad, what did you guys think? Did you cry?