To All the Boys I've Loved Before

introduction

I like to save things. Not important things like whales or people or the environment. Silly things. Porcelain bells, the kind you find in souvenir shops. Cookie cutters you'll never use because who needs a cookie in the shape of a foot? Head scarfs and bandanas for my hair. Love letters. Of all the things I save, I guess you could say my love letters are my most prized possession.

I keep my letters in a teal box my mum bought me from a vintage store downtown. They aren't love letters that someone else wrote for me, I don't have any of those. They're ones I have written. There's one for every boy I've ever loved - five in all. When I write, I hold nothing back. I write like he'll never read it. Because he never will. Every secret thought, every careful observation, everything I've saved up inside me, I put it all in the letter. When I'm done, I seal it, address it, and then put it in my teal hatbox.

They're not love letters in the strictest sense of the word. My letters are for when I don't want to be in love anymore. They're for goodbye. Because after I write my letters I'm no longer consumed by my all-consuming love. I can eat my cereal and not wonder if he like bananas over his Cheerios too, I can sing along to love songs and not be singing them to him. If love is a possession, maybe my letters are like exorcisms. My letters set me free. Or at least they're supposed to.