The stars of this world

Where the moon shines, so does the sun.

After I went down, my mom went on yelling at me about chores I had to do and started screaming everything she didn't like about my attitude. I try to help around the house as much as I can but I tend to forget basic tasks like picking up my clothes or putting the milk away. It's not much but apparently its enough for pointless arguments and power wars.

We used to be close but it all changed when I realized people aren't perfect. She has flaws. She never admits when she's wrong and doesn't listen. She works and complains that I don't do enough. We have our highs too. Those moments where we can't stop laughing or when we sit on the couch and I tell her all about the guy that passes in front of my locker everyday. We have dance parties and game nights that makes it all feel worth it. There's also Lou. He has a tendency to lick us as soon as we raise the tone. It's his way of saying «Don't fight!».

This time she was complaining I stay in my room too much and always have my eyes on my stupid phone. If i could i would tell her the truth; I'm overwelmed and my phone is the only thing that can distract me for the ever growing ball of stress stuck in my chest. She'd totally freak and find a way to put it back on me or tell me it's nothing, that I just need better organisation.

-  Do you realise all the things you "forget"?! It's in your face. I know you see them!You just say mom will do it... I'm sick of it Maya! I work long hours and I would just like you to greet me and help me with a smile! I didn't raise someone that doesn't say hello or goodbye, that pretends they're alone! Did I? Did I?! I'm talking to you Maya!!!

-No you didn't...

I tried to tell her i would be more responsive to a quiet talk, not yelling. She doesn't seem to get it... In her mind, the only way I listen is if she yells. I might get quieter but that's only because I dissociate and closes myself up wishing for her, and me, to just disappear...

- Then why do you continue behaving this way?! We're a family. We help each other. We greet eachother. If you're not happy here just move out!!

There it is, the stinking feeling of tears coming out. That hole in my chest, reminding me I'm a horrible person. I'm never enough for her. I try SO hard but I just can't. I know im not a perfect daughter but maturing is a rough thing. I don't think about the trash or the clothes drying in the salon becuse im preoccupied with college and friends and work and the thought that my life is still heading nowhere after 16 years of existance! It's fine. I'll figure it out. I just need to stay positive. Positive. Positive.

Think positive Maya.