tw for implications of s/icide + s/icidal thoughts + brief mentions of abuse
continue reading at your own risk
my mental health took a nose dive and seriously went
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and just said "lol i just dont wanna work well anymorw" and uhhh,,,
had a VERY vivid thought when i saw a pack of paracetamol and a couple of knives while i was doing the dishes
i think you can see where im going with this
of course i didnt do anything but for some reason it felt calming and there was some sense of yearning??????
this is literally so unlike me
of course, i dont plan on doing anything in the future but uh
yeah my mind has not been so kind to me lately :]
im fine now but ive had a habit of basically shutting off my mind (possibly as a way to protect myself????? according to mi madre, she had suspected that i had been r/ped in my sleep as a little kid and found blood in my clothing but when she checked my body to see if there was anything wrong, there was nothing??? i dont remember but my mom does and i think my brain did that thing where its trying to suppress trauma by blocking out certain memories ig)
