Eremika oneshot -book (Eren x Mikasa aot)

will you promise?

*Eren POV*

It was evening, the sun was already going down.
Me and Mikasa were the only ones who were still outside.
But nobody of us spoke, we just sat there and watched the sky slowly turn orange.
Lost in thought, I only noticed late how Mikasa had accidentally dozed off due to exhaustion and now she was leaning against my shoulder.
I turned my head, studying her resting face.
I had to admit, she looked kind of peaceful.
She must have been tired.
Still, her extra weight was very uncomfortable and I was not a pillow.
After a sigh, I shook her.
"Mikasa, wake up!"
I shook her more vigorously.
She was instantly awake and blinked dreamy.

"E- Eren?"
She touched her forehead as if she had a headache.

"You just fell asleep on my shoulder.
Go to sleep already..."
You could tell by my tone that I was serious.
I did not even knew why she had stayed outside with me in the first place.
I wanted to be alone anyway.

"Oh, sorry"
She looked down, embarrassed.
"But I am not tired anymore, i stay with you."

"No you not, go to bed Mikasa."
It was obvious that she was tired.
I was already in a bad mood, why would not she listen to me?

"But Eren, then you need to come with me.
I am sure you are pretty tired too, we had to work hard today."

"Can you please stop mothering me?
I stay up as long as I want and I can do that without your company."
With these words I got up and walked over to a tree to hit my fist against it.
Again I had to think about Marley and Elidia, the titans and everything that had to do with it and how helpless I felt.
I just wanted to protect the people I loved, including Mikasa.

Of course, Mikasa had followed me.
With a concerned look she stood next to me and watched me punching the tree.

"Eren...you should stop, your wrists will bleed."
There was a pleading in her voice, but i just did not wanted to stop so I continued.

Mikasa suddenly grabbed my arm.
With a firm grip she led my hand to her face and looked at it.
"As I said, you will hurt yourself !
There are already wounds...I should fix it-"

"No!"
I tore my arm away and cut her off, punishing her with an exasperated glare.
I was pissed!
She was silent and looked at me with sad eyes.
"Stop worrying about me all the time, did I not told you, to go to sleep?
Why have you followed me?!"

"I- "
She broke off the sentence, she probably did not knew what to answer, so I continued yelling at her.

"Why Mikasa, why are you always clinging to me?"

She stayed silent.

"Yes we are friends but you do not cling to Armin like that either!"

She still did not answered, just avoided my gaze.

I grabbed her roughly by the shoulders.
"Answer me!"

She staggered back a little, squinting her eyes, leaning against the tree.
"Baka..." s
She whispered finally.

"Huh?"
I looked at her confused.
"W-Wait Mikasa, why are you crying?"

"I love you Eren!
That is why I care so much about you." she sobbed with tears falling down her slight pink cheeks.
"I love you with all my Heart... since we were young..."
She continued muttering.

I had to process that first.
Mikasa's feelings.
I always thought, I was just like a little brother to her and that annoyed me, but seeing it that way now?
I never wanted to admit it to myself, never wanted it to be true.
Mikasa's love - it would have been just another unbearable burden for me and also for her...
Without questioning it, Mikasa was important to me.
I loved her but was it a love beyond the deep affection you had for your family?
Did I loved Mikasa in the way she loved me?
Strong enough, that i would show weakness?
Strong enough, that i would risk everything?

"Alright, Eren..."
She spoke with a cracking voice.
"I guess i am really tired now, I should better go sleep then... good night."
She wanted to go, leave me behind as i wanted her to do, but I stopped her.

"Wait Mikasa"
The black haired girl looked at me expectantly.
I approached her and propped my hands over her head on the tree.
"I am really sorry for my outburst of anger, I was just frustrated... "

"It is okay, do not worry."
She looked to the side with now even more pink cheeks.

There was brief silence.
We stayed in the position we were in and I looked at her pretty face.
"Eren?"

"Yeah?"
I waited patiently for what she would say.
She had turned her face back to me again.
"How do you think about my words?"

I froze.
How I think about it?
To be honest with myself, I did not wanted to think anymore.
Should I listen to my feelings?
But the only feelings, I could still bring up besides the tiredness that slowly came, were hate, coldness and helplessness.
And yet there was still that little spark. That little spark of humanity.
That forgotten need for love, that was hidden deep inside me.

"Eren?"
Mikasa looked at me impatiently, desperation in her voice.

I turned my eyes back to her and looked her into her beautiful, setting sun-lit face.
Without thinking about it, I slowly leaned forward.
Mikasa's eyes widened for a brief moment, a demanding lit up in them.
She clawed her fingers into my shirt, as if she was scared that I would move away again.
But I hesitated.
What am i doing?

Mikasa looked at me desperately, the little glimmer of hope in her eyes had disappeared.
No, I did not wanted that, I did not wanted her hope to disappear too.
I closed my eyes and finally pressed my lips against hers.
She returned the kiss instantly, as if she was longingly waiting for that.
Her lips were incredibly soft and warm. It felt good but somehow i could not enjoy it.
It was as if it was wrong.
Wrong time... wrong life.
As if there was no place for tenderness in this cruel world.
I could not forget the restlessness inside me, that did not allowed even a second of inner peace.
After a few heartbeats, i broke the kiss and our lips parted.
Mikasa looked at me with sparkling eyes, a warm smile on her face.

"As I said before, you guys are the most important thing to me, the same goes for you."

Mikasa's face became even redder.
She pressed her body tightly against mine and buried her face in my chest.

In the meantime it had become darker and the moon was already replacing the sun.
There were some stars noticable at the dark blue sky.
The wind ran through our hair, it was getting colder.
"It is late Mikasa, I will stay here a little longer, do you not want to go in?"

"I am staying with you."
She mumbled against my chest.

"It is getting very cold..."
I tried to push her away from me but she had her fingers caught in my clothes.

"I do not care, I have the scarf you gave me.
Besides..."
Mikasa raised her head a little to face me.
"You keep me warm.
As long as I am with you, I can never get cold."

Her words warmed my heart, after a long time I smiled a gentle smile again and put my arms around her.

We stayed like this for a while until Mikasa broke the silence with a soft spoken voice.
"Please never leave me Eren, will you promise?"

I did not answered
My heart grew heavy, as I realized that my fate would never allow that.
I suppressed a pained sigh and pressed her closer to me.
I just wanted to enjoy this ephemeral moment right now.