Good Girls Say Please

THE RETURN OF BFA

when we started astral projecting and getting finger banged by the gods of time, fortillcock and i landed in the middle of a foreign planet in space. the host of love island UK wasn't there anymore cause she fucking died IRL so it's time to cut her off since she's no longer relevant to this plot or the creative genius of the writer and narrator.

instead, marian fucking mosby was there in his fagatron salmon jacket, anxiously twirling his pocket hankey while gay men raw doogged each other all around him.

"what is this place?" i asked fortillcock as she began guiding me towards a set of bleachers.

"it's BFA headquarters. it's where fictional characters everywhere come to life to diddle their brother and teenage girls watch because for some reason they all seem to love it," fortillcock said.

"well why did we come here? usually when i leave the house it's to go talk to the homeless man living on the streets of LA to pick up more drugs for my mother. he cooks up his own brand of meth in his tent and makes shitty trap music with some fag with a bad haircut," i said.

"we need to find juniper nightingale mc hammer. she knows the key to fighting off harry and janice when they start acting like cunts," fortillcock said.

we made our way through the crowds of horny bitches, until we came to a door hidden behind a tree. scratched above the doorknob was the phrase "voluptuous pussy cheeks" and a picture of a moose.

"stay behind me and don't say anything until we're inside," fortillcock warned me. she knocked on the door and waited for it to open. juniper nightingale mc hammer was standing behind it, with a bottle of vagisil and a lighter.

"what fruit did i shove up my cooch?" she asked fortillcock, lighting the pussy soap on fire. it was bad for natural PH health.

"orange," fortillcock said, "and it burned like a bitch."

"it is you!" juniper fuckslut said, hugging fortillgorillagrip tightly

"we have to be careful," juniper bitch explained. "one time the disney adults dressed up in cosplay and convinced me they were fortillcock. come inside we need to discuss your one direction problem."

inside the tree door thing was a giant table full of war plans and Waluigi audio files. next to the light switch was a line of "wanted" photos, and one direction was among them.

"what is all this?" i asked

"it's a secret fucking lair biffy stop being so goddamn stupid," juniper slut hoe bitch cunt pissy pants said. "we've been tracking one direction for over a year now. they've seen too much so we have to put them down."

"okay, what's the plan? do we need to like bring some fuckin guns and shoot up the place like republicans after a single goddamn beer?"

"even better," fortillcock said. "we're gonna use the power of sam winchester and his wolfpack."

"who's that?" i asked.

"he's a highly trained big booty bitch skilled in the art of defeating cunts. he has a precious history with taylor, the pregnant bitch you met on the bus. he's got the urge to take revenge against her and one direction for leaving his wolf pack and going to the mickey mouse club house," juniper whatever the fuck said.

"hah, club house," fortildicksuck said.

"club fuck," juniper hoe said.

they went on like this for five minutes.

"FUCK CLUB"
"IM FOOKIN IN DE CLUB"
"PEEPA PEEH FOOKED ME IN DE CLUB"
"I PUT PEEPA IN ME HOLE AND DO A LIL SPIT ROAST"

they would have gone on forever if i didn't stop them, but i heard a rustle in the back of the room.

"guys...what was that?"

silence. then another quick rustle.

"oh no," fortillcock said. "it can't be."

"ladies, grab your weapons. we need tongs, a metal spatula and possibly a grill," juniper mc nightengale mc hammer said.

another rustle. the sound of styrofoam was suddenly unmistakeable. there was a gentle slapping growing closed and closer, and two eyes became visible in the shadows.

"it's harry!!!" i cried, "he has his meat box!!!!"

he lunged out of the dark and started attacking us with his raw festering meat, but fortillcock quickly reached into the air with her tongs and slapped it onto the grill juniper nightingale had open next to her. harry hissed as his meat began getting cooked at the correct temperature with proper seasoning. a bat flew in through the window and started freaking out about the sun, threatening to suck everyone's blood.

"they're all here!!" i screamed, "the whole band!!"

"they brought reinforcements," someone said behind me, tapping me on the shoulder. i was horrified to see the LA crackwhore from the tent.

"methhead," i said, preparing myself for battle.

"let's finish this shit," supernova said to me. i raised my finger gun and prepared to fight to the death.