The Devils Heart (17++)

Chapter 51

We landed back in California and the car ride is silent, I dreaded reaching the home because I know exactly what I'm going to do when I get there, I wanted the car to break down and take up time or something.

Pulling into the gated driveway, Teirri took our bags and I headed inside, it was dull, empty, depressing, it hurt even more that Robs really never coming back...

I felt a pair on hands snake around my waist from behind and i bit my lip to control my tears. "I have a meeting now mi amor but If you want me to stay here with you I will"

"N-no" i croaked, I turned around pulling my best fake smile as I stared Carlos beautiful shining eyes for the last time, My heart broke. "It's fine I'll be here" I lied

"Okay" he pressed a soft kiss at my temple. "I love you mi amor" , "I love you too" as soon as his back turned, tears shed down my cheeks, I quickly turned away before he looked back and noticed.

Tears streaming down my face, I entered our bedroom, took a suitcase out I started packing with my hands shaking, I stared throwing clothes around as fast as I could. As soon as I heard different footsteps from maids walking by I stopped until they passed the bedroom into the distance.

I opened every drawer until I found a piece of pen and paper and began writing everything, I couldn't leave him without some time of closure, he was never the problem, it's this lifestyle this mafia, after losing Rob, I can't take anymore chances.

Dear Carlo

Where do I begin? My sweet love Carlo
I'm sorry for keeping this away from you, I struggled to look you in the eye as guilt would continue to eat me up and then I wouldn't have pulled through with my plan, so let me write this letter to you.

I didn't like being touched, until it was by your fingertips, the sweet warm touch, satisfaction of your trace is the only thing I seek, wether it be your hand locked with mine, or your arms pinning me in a place of satisfaction, I crave all of you..

It's almost as if our souls are braided together, like soulmates, I looked at you in a way I thought I'd never look at anyone, I looked at you with love in my eyes, love I didn't know I had, I looked at you, with the love I thought I'd lost.

I'll never forget the time, we drove out to the coast, there was nobody there, just the ocean and us, and the salt breeze that blew, as we took off our clothes and fucked on the sand, the sun slipped behind the mountains, and everything got cold,  we ran back to the car, laughing at the moon rising above the hills, and you called it, "a pervert with silver eyes", I may be selfish, but I would tear the world to shreds, leaving the planet mingled and vanquished, if it meant that I could relive that moment with you.

The reason I've left is not because of you, it's this life maybe I was too dumb to realise how dangerous a mafia can be, maybe it took a death for me to realise how serious this life is, the moment Rob died in my arms, my mindset changed, I no longer wanted to be apart of this world because my own world was flipped upside down. I can't have what happened to Rob, Happen to my child. As a mother who has the chance to give my baby a normal life, call me selfish but I am taking the opportunity.

It's may, almost 6 months ago I  didn't know You existed, 6 months ago I didn't know you were coming my way, I didn't know you would mean so much to me, I'll always be hopefully in love with every inch of you, you are my favourite person, you're absolutely everything I've ever loved put into one living, everyone thought I lost my mind at the beginning to fall in love with you, but the madness was worth it, you were worth it.