She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

Chapter 5 - The Purple Hyacinth

   I quickly changed into a loose fitting white t-shirt and grey pants. I scrubbed my face to get rid of the makeup so my father didn't know I had gone out. I knew he'd be mad I was allowing distractions. I grabbed a lantern on my way out since it would be dark on my way back from my father's shack.
   When I arrived it was quiet. He usually was stoking a fire or sharpening blades. But there wasn't much noise coming from within and no glow of a fire. I got a bad feeling as I quickened my pace a bit and opened the door.
   "Father? Are you still up?" I asked in a meek voice. You could hear the slight concern in my voice. He wasn't in the living room so he had to be in the bedroom. I made my way over and slowly opened the door. "Father?"
   He looked towards the door. His breathing was heavier. His voice was weak, "Come here Dahlia."
   I obeyed and kneeled beside the bed.
   "I don't have long. Keep your promise to me. It's all I ask."
   I couldn't keep look him in the eyes. I had to look down to try and keep the tears back, "I will. I promise you I will."
   He nodded as he shifted his head so he was looking at the ceiling. I grabbed his hand and rubbed the back of his hand with my thumb. "Thank you for everything you've done for me," I whispered.
   It wasn't long until he passed. I would bury him in the backyard. It's where most of our trainings occurred and where he liked to be. I couldn't let my emotions take control, not yet. I had to focus to do the task at hand, burying my father.
   Thankfully there was a shovel laying next to the side of his shack. I grabbed it and my lantern as walked to the back. It was getting dark so finding a spot might be difficult. I lit the lantern and started looking. I wanted a shaded tree because it would be beautiful and peaceful. I walked towards a tree when a purple hyacinth caught my eye in the glow of the lantern. The purple hyacinth meant sorrow and I felt it was fitting. It was by a tree right where it dropped off to the river below. The river started bending by my father's backyard to head south making it a prime training spot. There were many things to learn with the diverse landscape. It was why this was where we trained most. There was no doubt in my mind. This was the spot I would bury him.
   It took a long time to dig the hole and bury him but it was done. Sweat was dripping off my face as I sat down next to the grave.
   I felt a bit lost. I had so many emotions and questions that I didn't dare ask or show when my father was alive. Ever since my mother left it was always his mission to have her punished. He viewed it as a dishonor and the rule he lived and breathed by was death before dishonor. He made me promise to dole out the punishment and prepared me for this moment. He knew he was getting weaker and had no connections to anyone in the castle. For him to do it would be a death sentence.
   I know I had been procrastinating fulfilling my father's wishes because it felt it was only his wishes. I have never felt so confused. I had always followed what he said but I couldn't shake the words Luke said before he left for that last mission.
   Luke had said, "I want to marry you when I get back. You mean the world to me and I want you to move in with me. And I want to train you to be a fighter if that's what you want. I don't want your Dad doing it anymore." Luke had said to me when he had grabbed my hands.
   "Why?" I had questioned, confused as to why it mattered who trained me.
   "Your father has been through a lot of things. Experienced a lot of things and it's left him changed. The way he treats you isn't right. He's abusing you and I don't like it." I had wanted to be mad but the pure concern that had been on his face made me hesitate. "Will you marry me and let me train you if you desire to continue training?"
   "Yes," still confused as to why it had mattered. My father had been strict only to make me strong so why was that a bad thing?
   Luke had leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine that had sent butterflies fluttering in my stomach. He'd pulled away and put his hand on my cheek, "I love you Dahlia and I would never harm you or lie to you. Don't ever question that. I will see you in a week." Except that day never came.
   When I found out Luke wasn't coming back I used that rage in my training and my father was pleased by my motivation. I was mad. Mad at Luke for leaving. Mad at my mother for leaving. She didn't even say goodbye. She just left. How could you just leave your six year old daughter with someone who abused me as Luke said he did?
   Why didn't she ever come for me? Was she embarrassed of me?
   I needed answers. All of the unanswered questions ate at me. I couldn't just act because my father told me to. I wouldn't feel right just killing her. What if she had no idea I was still alive? What if she was searching for me? Did she miss me?
   The birds were starting to wake up and sing. The sun would be up shortly. I better go home and get a few hours of sleep.
   Thankfully the jaguars seemed to be leaving me alone. At night they tend to roam all over in the forest. But I didn't see one all night or on my walk back to my cabin.
   I took my shoes off, turned the lantern off, and walked straight to the bedroom when I finally got back. I collapsed on the bed. I was so physically and mentally drained that sleep came almost instantly.