What I could do for you || Christopher path

You will never ever catch me reading a Genshin fic

Y/n's pov

"Oh my god!" I practically yell scrooping her out of the crate. "I thought you were dead, I thought I'd never see you again! I can't believe that Shirabu took care of you!"

"I only agreed to take care of your stupid because I was told you'd be back in a year, not three. Next time, I'm going to sell her to that Kenma guy," he says. "I was so close to calling his assistant or something."

*meow*

"I didn't know you were taking care of my cat! I seriously could hug you right now I'm so happy!" I continue to yell. "Oh my god, this is one of the best days of my life, I could marry you right now!"

"All it takes is a cat?" Christopher asks.

"I am not getting married to you," Shirabu cringes. "I came to return your stupid cat, do you know how hard it's been to hide this thing in my dorm?"

"Oh yeah, Mr. Future doctor," I say. "Have fun with that."

"Yeah, and you have fun with that," he says.

"Do you want a drink? I can get you a drink, or food," I say. "Maybe a pack of smoke from when I went through my nicotine addiction."

Okay, well it's not over, but it's so much better. I'd say maybe one cigarette a month, maybe.

"I have things to do, plus your boyfriend who's basically Ushijima on steroids looks like he wants to kill me," he says.

"Eh it's fine," I shrug turning to glance at him. "That's how he looks at Nick, and he's his friend."

"What? I'm not looking at him like I'm going to kill him," Christopher says laughing. "And I am definitely not her brother on steroids."

"So look like you hurt people for fun," Shirabu says. "Get into alley fights, what are you thirty? Going around dating teenagers, weird."

"I am not thirty," he scoffs crossing his arms.

Shirabu love to piss people off, all fun and games until he triggers someone who likes to fight. Put him and Kyotani in a room together, I'd pay to see that.

"Aren't you like, older than Ushijima?" he asks. "Yeah, that weird."

"By five months," he says. "Not that it's any of your business."

*meow*

"My thoughts exactly shit-ling," I mutter.

Something about watching people argue is highly entertaining.

"So what? Did you get silicone biceps implanted, or did you just huff steroids?" Shirabu questions. "You know that those all can have some pretty gnarly side effects."

"I don't take steroids, I go to the gym, maybe you should try it," Christopher says. "Though I don't think it'll help with your height problem, what are you? Five-foot nothing? Go back to your dorm."

"Ah, so you spend all your time at the gym getting jacked, of course, you do," he nods his head. "Probably eating spoonfuls of protein powder. I heard that stuff like that can really put a knot when it comes to the bedroom."

"What I do in my spare time is none of your business, as for you I think there was a two-for-one sale on the socks at Walmart," he says, arms still crossed. "Maybe check out the toddler section, or go to the baby section just to be sure it fits alright."

"As if, if I have time to spare I'd just find a cute girl who also happens to have some free time," he shrugs.

"I doubt anybody would be willing to have sex with you," Christopher rolls his eyes.

"Whatever you say, but I'm sure Y/n can tell you all about high school and how unwilling she was," he laughs. "My dorms always unlocked, maybe drop her off for a playdate."

And then my lovely boyfriend made a face that could kill, and by the way, he grabbed the collar of Shirabu's shirt, he looked like he was already on the path to kill. And Shirabu looked like he was about to shit himself, I mean I'd do the same.

"I never did anything with him, he's talking out of his ass," I say obviously not wanting our apartment to turn into a crime scene.

"You wanna repeat what you just said to me?" he asked.

Lowkey feel bad for this guy, especially when he started to stumble over his words.

"Ushijima gave me two hundred bucks to piss you off," he finally managed to get out. "Bonus if I could get you irritated enough to be grumpy when he came over to visit."

"Don't talk about my girlfriend," he said letting go of him. "But I respect the hustle."

"Why the hell would Wakatohsi get you to do that?" I question. "Is he crazy?"

"He said that if he bugs Christopher he'll get into trouble, that's why he offered me cash to do it when I asked for your address to give you your cat," he says, stepping away from Christopher. "And who am I to turn down money? He said that he likes Christopher, he just likes to bother him."

"He is a literal child, but why did you need to imply that you slept with me?" I ask. "What the hell was that for?"

"He's not gonna get mad enough unless I bring you into things," he says. "I tried, I just want my money. Plus, he's outside in his car and shit."

"Giving offers of cash to people to get them to bother other people is weird," I say. "And kinda crazy."

"I one-hundred percent agree with you, Bird," Christopher nods his head. "But I'll give you a fifty to go out and piss him off, bonus if he calls being pissed off."

"Yeah, twenty ain't gonna work, one hundred fifty and I'll have him so pissed he runs up the stairs barges in her angry," he says. "So is it a deal?"

"One fifteen if he comes up here so angry he calls me by my last name, or first and last," Christopher says putting his hand out. "Deal?"

"One twenty-five and he'll come up here looking for blood, you're a big guy you won't get too hurt," Shirabu says also extending his hand. "So mad he curses, so is it a deal?"

"Okay deal," he says shaking his hand. "I'll e-transfer it to you after."

"What the hell is wrong with you guys?" I question. "He is going to kill everybody in here."

"Money is money," Shirabu shrugs. "Give it five minutes, give or take eight minutes."

"Don't look so worried Bird, it's gonna be funny," Christopher laughs.

"You're acting like a boy," I say heading over to the couch.

"Sit on the floor, it'll back my lie for believable," Shirabu says before showing himself out.

"Oh my god," I say slumping onto the floor.

"Don't worry about it, Bird," Christopher says sitting on the couch. "It's payback."

Just as Shirabu said, he was up to our apartment in about eight minutes.

"Christopher Fletcher," Wakatoshi says opening the door, because why would anyone knock. "I'm gonna fucking kill you."

*meow*

"Me too Shit-ling, me too."

Haha, I'm so funny.

-Crouton