mxtx crack

016

hello bitches im back with more "quality" content because i dont wanna update my fics

1:

wei wuxian: i want to spice things up

lan wangji: wei ying, i'm allergic to chili

wei wuxian: no i mean in the bedroom

lan wangji: doesn't matter where i eat it, i'm still allergic

2: 

luo binghe: shizun, what's wrong?

shen qingqiu: shang qinghua keeps using common phrases wrong!

shang qinghua: oh cry me a table, qingqiu

3:

wen qing, to wei wuxian: you cant make everyone like you, you're not wen ning!

wen ning: but not everyone likes me either!

wei wuxian: who doesn't like you?

wen ning: w-what

wen qing: names

wen ning: w-

wei wuxian: give us their names

4:

xie lian: hows the sexiest person here doing?

hua cheng: i dont know, how are they doing?

xie lian, blushing: i- 

pei ming, from across the room: i'm doing great, thanks for asking

5:

jiang cheng: i like the way you move

wei wuxian: what do you mean? do i look cute or hot or

jiang cheng: no you move like an elephant on drugs

jiang cheng: its hella funny

6:

shang qinghua: luo binghe isnt answering his phone

shen qingqiu: here, let me try

shang qinghua: me and liu qingge have both tried 6 times, what makes you think-

luo binghe, from across the phone: yes, shizun?

7:

jin guangyao: i want you to kill this person but make it look like an accident

su she: consider it done

later

lan wangji: looks like this person got beaten to death with a sword and then the killer placed a banana peel by his feet

8: 

mu qing: what's the best way to kill someone?

xie lian: kindness.

hua cheng: if you're being stealthy, cyanide poisoning would be your go to. otherwise, anything from strangling to beheading with a sword is fine

9:

shang qinghua, about shen qingqiu: he likes mysterious guys

*later*

shen qingqiu: where are we going?

luo binghe: none of your fucking business

10: 

lan wangji: im gonna play you a song i wrote.

lan wangji: its called "my life so far"

lan wangji: *plays one note*

lan wangji, putting his guqin aside: *screams*

11:

liu mingyan: welcome to salsa class! who's ready to dance?

shang qinghua, hiding a bag of tortilla chips behind his back: i believe there's been a misunderstanding

12: 

shang qinghua: you're the most beautiful person i've ever seen

shen qingqiu: just say what you want

shang qinghua: that last slice of cake thank you very much

13:

wei wuxian, walking into the kitchen: hey, jiang cheng, are you okay?

jiang cheng, crying: yeah, it's just the onions

wei wuxian:

wei wuxian: those are potatos

jiang cheng: well in that case no

14:

wei wuxian: i put the fun in dysfunctional

15:

shen qingqiu: only the good die young?

shen qingqiu: phew

shen qingqiu: because i'm incredibly fucking awful

16: 

mu qing: pass the chili

feng xin: whats the magic word?

mu qing: or else

feng xin: thats two words but point taken

17: 

pei ming, to a girl: did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

shi qingxuan, turning to xie lian: your highness, did it?

pei ming: wait no-

xie lian: first or second time?

pei ming: your highness i didnt-