Poisoning From The Inside

Words And Wishes

I'm so sorry my Shizaya babies! D:> I've been under a lot of stress lately with my very close friend's health, so I haven't really had any mental capacity to write. Though, I think now that I've hit rock bottom, I might just be able to finish this chapter. So so so sorry for the wait, I really am. How you all forgive me /~\ Love you guys! <'3

~AnimeAndDavidTennant~

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I stood there in pure awe and shock at Izaya's words. What did he mean faking my affection? I had honestly fallen head over heels for this flea. Although, it's one of the most confusing decisions I've made in my life. It was like, the more he smiled, the more I wanted to hate him, and yet that was the very thing that made hating him impossible. He was like this precious fragile gem. I just wanted to take care of him, shelter him from the pain and darkness. I just needed him.

"Izaya? What the hell do you mean? I love you!" I may have raised my voice slightly, but I needed to get my point across. I can't let him take 10 steps backwards again. He's made some progress, and I wasn't just going to shove it all aside because of a little blip in his recovery.

Izaya glared daggers at me, "Go the fuck away," 

I frowned at him, and inched a step forward. He may be completely and utterly insensitive sometimes, but to me, Izaya's someone I want to be close to, as crazy as that sounds. It's just amazing how smart he is. I just want to be near him, I want to do interesting stuff together. I just want to laugh together with him. Especially because I know he never got to do these things with people. 

I stepped even closer and encased him in my warmth. For a while he struggled and pushed and shoved, but soon he relaxed in my grip, and began to sob into my shirt. 

"Shhh, tell me what's wrong Izaya. I'm here for you," I whispered into his hair. He pushed his face against my chest harder. As stubborn as he was, I knew he wasn't going to let this go so easily. I kissed the top of his head gently and lifted him in my arms, walking him to our couch. He had fist-fulls of my shirt as I held him tightly against me.

As I took a seat on the couch with Izaya on my lap, he muttered, "Go away. . ,"

I frowned and hugged him tightly, "I'm not going away just because you tell me to," I kissed his forehead reassuring him of this point. 

He struggled in my grip again, making me face him, "Don't do this please. . . you'll only hurt yourself," 

I looked into his teary eyes and felt all the pain that emanated through them. I frowned, a bit irritated that he wouldn't let up on his fit. I kissed his forehead, and gave him a look of pure adoration, "Izaya, just explain to me how you feel. I want to help you, and that's  kinda hard when I don't even know what's wrong,"

Izaya looked down, as if to evade the question, but soon looked up, streams of tears adorning his perfect pale face. His crimson eyes, full of hurt, locked with mine as he spoke slowly and hopelessly, "I'm horrible at everything Shizuo. I've never been good at making friends, or starting conversations, or even the whole relationship thing. . ." Izaya paused, letting some raw sobs escape his throat, "I'm so scared that loving you was the only thing I've ever been good at and I couldn't even do that  right. . . ," 

As much as I would've hated to do this a few days ago, I connected my lips with Izayas. I didn't think about it, it just kinda happened. I craved his soft lips. I needed to show him that whatever he was doing, whichever way he was loving me, he was doing a damn good job of it. He made me feel like less of a monster. He made me feel important. 

As I kissed him, he pressed his chest against mine, wrapping his legs around my waist. I placed my hand on his cheek, using the pad of my thumb to caress it. I couldn't even begin to process the fact that I was in love with Izaya Orihara, my former enemy for more than 8 years, and that I was sitting here actually kissing him better. I wouldn've never guessed I'd be spending my free time consoling him out of all people. Though as odd as it was, it's all I ever wanted to do. 

Izaya broke this kiss, guiltily looking into my eyes, "Shizu-chan? I'll tell you one more thing, if you promise to kiss me and tell me it's okay afterwards, okay?" 

I smiled, the most genuine smile I could manage, and nodded to him, "Of course. That's what I'm here for, right?" 

Izaya slowly lifted up the sleeves of his shirt, to adorn cuts all up and down his arms. There were at least 60 covering the span of both arms, some new, and some scabbed and starting to heal. I could feel my eyes burn, and goosbumps raise on my arms. I was hurt that he had to result to these methods when i was around. At the sound of my silence Izaya's expression dropped. Immiediately upon realising, I pulled him into my arms and hugged him as tightly as I could without hurting him.

"It's okay Izaya, just promise me you won't do this anymore," I pecked his lips begging for a positive response.

"I promise. . ," He whispered, entangling himself in my arms. I kissed his cheek and layed my head in the crook of his neck, just taking him in. His scent- heavy with mint, lavander, and chamomile engulfed all senses, making my whole body tingle. I wanted him and all of him. Only him.

Forever.