The end and a new beginning

Confessions

Months passed before he was back on his feet. Eren was still off the ground. Jean had successfully handled the issues on Paradis. Everything returned to a strange everyday life.
"Good Morning." He heard Annie's tired voice beside him. Slowly he turned and looked into her tired eyes.
"Good Morning." He whispered and kissed her on the forehead.
Before he got up and wanted to go to the shower. Today their ship would go to Paradis. Historia had been waiting for them for a long time.
As he was about to leave, Annie grabbed his wrist and looked up at him. "I feel sick." She mumbled. "Can you bring me some tea?"
"Sure." He replied, well as much sweet stuff as she had shoveled into herself yesterday, it was no wonder that she was feeling sick.
Although they had been together for several months now, he still barely understood Annie. Sometimes she sat outside for hours and just looked  into the sky or crouched in bed and cried softly.
She probably thought he wouldn't notice, but if he was honest he just didn't know how to react.

Her head ached and she felt sick too. She pulled the covers over her head and again the tears flow over her cheeks.
Since it was all over, she was psychologically a wreck.
Fortunately, Armin didn't seem to remember anything, he probably had taken his memory with him. But hers were still there. Eren seemed to want to her to suffer. With good reason. Without Armin she would kill herself, just the nightmares that robbed her of sleep every night drove her almost insane. She wanted to scream, but she couldn't. As always, she built walls around herself again. Armin was so sensitive that if he noticed something he would only blame himself in the end.
"Annie? Annie are you there?", Came Mikasa's voice from outside the room and at the same time a knock. Who could have guessed that she would become her best friend.
"Yes," she called, pulling the covers down from her head.
At that moment Mikasa came through the door and immediately sat down next to her.
"How are you?"
"Fine, and you?"
"Don't lie to me Annie." She felt Mikasa's eyes on her.
"Just a bit bad and a headache." She said then and straightened up.
"Why are you here?", she leaned with both arms on the edge of the bed and looked at Mikasa, who  look tired.
"Here," she handed her a small box. "This is a gift from Historia."
Carefully she took the box, it was probably a dead rat. She had to smile at the thought, but most likely not.
"Oh and yes, this letter."
She put it next to Annie and then Mikasa disappeared again. Annie put the box on the side and picked up the letter, which she immediately opened. A single papper got her on her lap. Shivering, she took it in her fingers and began to read.

Hey Annie

Hopefully you are fine.
Everything is fine here so far.
I am writing you this letter because I wanted to talk to you. Better said to tell you something.
It has been many years since you attacked us. You probably had a lot of time to think, we all had that.
I think I can understand why you and the others did it. That doesn't mean I forget, but I can forgive you.
You often seem to worry, Mikasa wrote to me that you often stare at nothing for hours and then disappear back into your room.
Well, since you're coming to me soon, we can talk then. At least I hope so. Since it is as hot as hell here at this time of the year, I have sent you a small present.
Hopefully you'll like it.
And just so that you know, you are safe here, no one will hurt you.
Unless you hurt Armin. Then you can experience something.

Kind regards

Historia

Annie let the letter fall next to her on the bed, actually she should have burst into tears again now.
But this time she was cold as stone again, maybe her wall would finally come back. She took the box and opened it carefully. Inside was a piece of beige fabric.
She pulled it out and stared at it for a few seconds. It was a short-sleeved shirt. The fabric was light and soft. She looked at it before turning it over and saw some embroidery.
It was the wings of freedom, a hard lump formed in her throat. Such a nice gift.
"Hey Annie, I have your tea." Armin came in through the door, as if by reflex she hid everything under the covers.
"Thanks." She took the tea while Armin sat down next to her. And put an arm around her.
"You're really not doing well, for months." At that moment the cup fell from her hand and shattered into a thousand pieces.
"Y-you, so you noticed."
"Naturally."
"Why", she clenched her teeth and looked directly at her boyfriend.
"I'm not stupid." Of course, he was never stupid. He always knew exactly what was going on and what to do.
"I know." She put her head on his shoulder.
"Well then, please tell me what's going on." He gently stroked her head.
"It's the nightmares, this feeling of self-hatred, if you weren't with me. Then ..." She clenched her teeth and tried to hold back the tears.
"This life, I don't deserve it. Hundreds if not thousands of people have died because of me."
She felt how Armin hugged her.
"I know, but you're not the only one. The guilt crushes us both and Annie believe me, I'm the real monster in contrast to you. I can't take these feelings away from you. I have just as little a solution, but maybe it would help if you let everything out instead of burying it again."
Annie gulped before pulling away from him and staring into his eyes.
"Eren", Armin looked at the floor. "Everything that happened."
"Armin. No. When we wouldn't have back then."
"Don't interrupt me, please." Armin clenched his fists and looked at the floor.
"Eren just has," he paused and looked at her. "You will hate me."
Tears flowed down his cheeks.
"But I have to tell you so that you can be free. Eren followed my plan. It was my plan, not his, not Zeke's. Nobody is to blame except me. I'm the monster! Do you hear!"
Armin looked directly at her now. "A-a-are you serious ?!" she yelled at him. Armin just nodded and everything in her broke into thousends maybe million pieces.
Everyone had to die and it was Armin's fault. With a jerk she got up and ran out towards the cliff. Where she sat down. Everything in her tightened.
That wasn't the Armin she knew and loved. He was right, he was a monster. A loud scream escaped her throat, she screamed out to the sea and tears ran down her cheeks.
So he had lied to her until today, she felt so betrayed. Slowly she got up and walked towards the cliff. Since she had now lost Armin, she could end everything.