little do you know // niall horan au

chapter 21; trouble

Trigger warning: not explicit but symptoms of depression and ptsd. not sure what the exact triggers are but this one is very emotionally heavy so read at your own discretion.

One, two, three, four...

Mona couldn't remember calling this Uber, getting into the car, or even getting ready at all. Everything that happened after her phone call with Liam to this moment, where she was sitting numbly in the backseat of this car at three in the morning, was a complete blur.

Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen...

She was coping by counting the passing streetlights, hoping that this menial task could help her feel like she was grounded to earth, like she was still sane and normal and not overwhelmed with anxiety. Her hands were clammy, and she twisted her fingers together, pinching her skin occasionally as if to remind herself that this was not a dream, but some sort of twisted reality that had her feeling like she was constantly tripping into an endless chasm of nothing.

Just falling. She was falling. And it was dark and cold with no beginning or ending in sight. It was just a constant fall; waiting to hit the bottom, if there was a bottom at all, was agonizing.

She shook herself out of those thoughts, blinking several times to get rid of her tunnel vision and tried to breathe to get rid of the rushing sound of blood in her ears. She felt like she could hear the thump thump thump of her heartbeat, loud and clear, and she wished the sound would stop.

When she arrived at the hospital, she walked towards it in a sort of trance. She almost couldn't understand why she was even there.

How did the night come to this?

She was having flashbacks to moments she couldn't even remember completely before. Someone calling her mom to tell her that her dad had been in an accident. Her mom telling her about it. Them driving to the hospital. Finding out what happened.

Mona tripped on a stair now and she almost went tumbling, catching herself at the last moment. She straightened up and took a deep breath, willing herself to keep it together. She wasn't even inside yet and she already felt like she was going to throw up.

The first person she saw when she walked in was Harry. It looked like he was pacing up and down the entryway, waiting for her, because as soon as she entered, he went straight for her. "Hey, Mo," he breathed out when he was close enough to throw an arm over her shoulders.

"Harry," she croaked. Her throat felt tight. She was so confused that she didn't even know what exactly to ask. "What...how?"

He sighed, leading her towards an elevator and scrubbing a hand over his face. "To be quite honest, I'm not entirely sure. Someone called Liam when it happened because he's in Niall's emergency contacts. We haven't been able to get the full story from anyone."

Mona's chest gave a sharp twist. The further she walked into the building, the more sick she felt. A constant string of questions screamed in her mind: What is happening? How did this happen? Why?

It was so loud in her head. She almost wanted to stop and press her hands to her forehead to make it stop, wished that she could just curl up on the floor and press her head against it so it could all just stop.

"Mo, hey." Liam's voice was snapping her out of her mind, and when she could see straight in front of her again, she found that he was heading right towards her, pulling her into his arms. Liam's hugs were always so comforting, all warm and strong, and when she returned his embrace she found herself feeling much more sane and calm.

"Liam?" It was so hard to breathe. She felt like she could combust at any moment. Unlike a few minutes ago with Harry, this time, she found her words. "What's happening?"