I'm Exhausted (Samcedes)

Chapter Four

"What?" Sam can't believe his ears. "What did you just ask me?"
"Look, don't get mad-"
"Of course I'm gonna get mad, you just accused me of taking drugs? How do you expect me to react?"
"I'm not accusing you of anything, Sam. I'm just worried about you."
I wish everyone would stop saying that. "Thanks but I can take care of myself." Sam is about to walk away and leave Finn and his outrageous accusations behind when another voice chimes in. "Looking a little flustered there, Sam. Is there something going on?" Kurt steps right into the tangible tension between the two boys. He looks back and forth from one to the other but he isn't met with a response. "Well? You know I hate to be the last one in on the drama." His words are harmless, playful even, but Sam just doesn't have the patience. "There's no drama, for God's sake. I just wanna be left alone, is that okay with everyone?" He speaks slightly louder now, making his point as obnoxiously as he can. He doesn't even care what they think anymore. His secret is what matters most. "Come on, man. Don't be like that." Finn tries to beckon Sam back to him but before he can attempt at any further persuasion Sam has disappeared down the hall. He can her the muffled outlines of Finn and Kurt's pointless fussing about Sam and how "he's just not the same anymore". He doesn't get it. He thought that was supposed to be a good thing.

Sam spends the rest of the day avoiding Finn and Kurt. It exhausts him, because frankly there isn't a space in his mind that isn't preoccupied with food and calories and hunger and workouts and weight goals. Plus, he knows that he'll have to face them when he gets home anyway and that Kurt will want a lift with him when Finn has to stay behind for football practice, but he just can't bring himself to worry about it. He's so exhausted it's like he's constantly wading through thick fog, too hazy to see where he's even trying to get to. It probably shows in his face. That's probably why Finn is so worried. Probably.

Just don't let Mercedes see.

Luckily for Sam, Kurt goes straight to Blaine's after school, which means he gets to dodge the painfully awkward apology and interrogation that would surely follow. His relief is short lived, though, when there's a knock at the door. "I can't talk right now, Finn." Sam hastily grabs a notebook from his bedside table so that if Finn were to enter against his requests then he would see that Sam is studying rather than falling witness to the painful truth that is Sam's near-nightly chew-and-spit routine. "It's not Finn." comes Kurt's voice from the hallway. Sam doesn't suppose that's much better, since it's not Finn he's avoiding but rather the dreaded topic of his erratic behaviour. Still, he knew this would happen sooner or later so it might as well be now. He quickly hides the chocolate and candy wrappers before opening the door. It's not just Kurt, though. "Hey, Sam." Even such simple words from Mercedes' mouth sound like a lullaby. "We need to talk."