women - Basically an inconsistent Diary

The Teaaaa

Okay so today I basically have something to vent about. I have pretty much fallen out with my former crush and her best friend because they're annoying the shit out of me and accusing me of having double standards or some shit. I have really low self esteem and the way I cope with that is by projecting it onto others and complaining to others about it. I know it's not very healthy at all but I am trying to change that believe it or not. Apparently I haven't changed in the past year which is bullshit in my eyes because a) I don't have a crush on anyone anymore and b) I'm more confident. Anyway this whole thing happened because I very politely told them that I feel uncomfortable when they're cuddling all the time at lunch time. Now this may be because I still have some remenants of jealousy from last year but it's not just that it's mostly that I simply want to talk to my friend but she's always talking to get bestie. Also everyone already has a best friend right? Except me ofc. I don't want to sound like a sad ass pick me girl here but that does really affect me and I feel really lonely even though I do have some friends just not close ones. And no one seems to care about that because well they already have what I want. Anyway back to the story they told me it was my fault that THEY make me uncomfortable so that's very fun. I did get an apology which is definitely better than nothing but I doubt anything will change. The good thing is that I have another group of people to hang out with at lunch now. Also my friends bestie also got annoyed because I put the issue on the gc instead of texting her directly now I only did that because I'm a nervous fucking wrek and that girl will argue with me for ages unless I have someone to put my feelings into words in a better way for me. So I asked my other friend to help with the argument I guess and now we don't really like each other which is pretty annoying but it was inevitable I've got to let go of them. Also sorry that I'm not really punctuating this I just really can't be bothered when I'm ranting and this is an informal thing anyway so it's fine. Thanks for reading you're the best. I'll be sure to come back soon when I have some other toxic bullshit to rant about.