Timing Is Everything

Chapter 8

"Why are you doing this?" I ask while looking at Jay.

"Because it's just something I have to do." He says with a sympathetic look that fills me with dread.

"You should have worn your Oilers hoodie, he's a huge Oilers fan." I say in peak panic mode. (Why couldn't I have just moved to Switzerland and started a new life with Jay there?)

"Brook, I don't think you have anything to be worried about. What has he been like with other guys you bring home for him to meet?" (Shit shit shit SHIT.)

"Oh, uh, that's the thing..." I mumble while staring at the sidewalk in front of my dad's driveway. "You're the first guy that's ever asked me out."

"What was that?" Jay says with an amused smile, either because I've never talked this quietly before or he just wants me to say it again. I roll my eyes and take a deep breath, clearing my throat before I speak in case my voice cracks.

"You're the only guy that's ever liked me." I expect him to say something, but silence follows and I finally get the courage to look up at his face. It's hard to describe, but he looks like he's confused and then he slowly starts to smile. I get a wave of embarrassment and instinctively start biting my lip while playing with one of the rings I have on my middle finger. This is the exact reason I hated the idea of dating! This is so embarrassing and awful and-

"Oh, please don't feel embarrassed about telling me that!" Jay exclaims as he pulls me in for a hug that I've gotten used to getting every time I've seen him the past month (we've only kissed five other times since our first one a month ago, if you were wondering).

Wow, what a great month it's been! Getting to know Jay and feel special and wanted every day is amazing. I don't think I've ever had such high self-esteem or been happy for as long as I have been. Sure, there are awkward moments when I ask him not to grab my ass in public or he tells me not to put on too much perfume, stuff like that. But I've learned to accept these awkward moments and feelings, to welcome them and expect them. Because now I realize that dating is about embracing the awkward like Charlie said. 

Now that I've come to this realization, it's easy to enjoy and adore everything amazing about Jacob Reeds. He's tall (I'm shallow, okay?), is a great listener, has a good sense of humor, has a talent for reading people and is incredibly sweet. Whenever Jay touches me or kisses me or hugs me, it's the best feeling in the world. I'm brought back to the hug I'm getting right now and breathe in the smell of him through the t-shirt and flannel he's wearing and wrap my arms around his back.

"Now that it's out there, you should probably also know that you were my first kiss." I say, tilting up my head so he can hear me.

"I kinda got that." Jay says, his deep voice sending vibrations through his chest. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, knowing it's about to get awkward but wanting to get most of the awkwardness done all in one day.

"It also means that I'm a virgin." I whisper. Jay laughs and hugs me tighter, making butterflies fly through my stomach.

"I kinda got that too."

"...and I also might want to stay that way for a while." I force out in a quieter whisper. I expect silence, disgust and/or rejection at that moment but thoroughly enjoy his response.

"Brook," He gently pushes me back and looks me in the eyes when he says "I'm gonna tell you right now that I've been in two other serious relationships, one in grade nine lasting for ten months and one in grade eleven lasting for seven months. I'm not a virgin but you should know that I will never judge you or make you do anything you're uncomfortable with and-"