From A To Z

Chapter 5

Tuesday, May 11

Glorious T-shirt weather, at last. Time to show off those toned upper arms and slender waists, those perky breasts and patrician necks. Peel off the layers, shed off the winter plumage, and shine! Emerge from your cocoon, Zoe! If only it were that easy.

Without my baggy sweaters and woolen cardigans, I felt vulnerable. Lounging outside Bruler's High dressed in a skimpy top and torn jeans, my imperfections were laid bare, exposed to everyone to see. My skinny arms were milk-white, my goose-bumped skin - in a need of sanding. Meet the Corpse Bride. Also, my bra didn't fit quite right. The straps kept on sliding off my shoulders which annoyed me to no end. That's what you get for looking for deals online.

Usually, none of it mattered, because no one noticed me. Sienna soaked up all the attention. Her dad had installed a gym in their house and she worked out religiously. Her mother had a tanning bed and an unlimited budget for trips to Bruler's top beauty salon. And Sienna was blessed with natural beauty, pretty much ticking off all the boxes.

When Sienna was here, all eyes were on her. Everyone else paled in comparison. I didn't resent her for it, on the contrary. I felt comfortable in her shadow. I could breathe a little easier when sheltered from the scrutiny of my classmates. But today she was having one of her migraines and I found myself alone on the grass by the school entrance, overexposed in the harsh sunlight, a magnet for the unwanted attention of others.

I was pretending to read but finding myself unable to concentrate on my book. A few feet away, Marisol and her bestie Elena were cross-legged on the lawn, analyzing some stranger's Instagram feed.

"No way he looks like this in real life," said Elena. "These abs are too perfect."

"That's the whole point. You're not supposed to look like your actual self because if you did, you wouldn't get any followers."

Marisol had a point. I had learned that from observing Sienna, the queen of filters and stickers. She knew how to pose and cultivate her fan base, and took every chance to pout into the camera.

I, on the other hand, was too shy to post selfies. I took some but none was good enough. My hair was stringy, my lips pursed, my forehead spotty. There was always something wrong. So I deleted them. Not perfect enough to command the admiration of strangers. As a result, my Instagram feed was full of snaps of mountains and flowers, and my followers... Well, let's say I knew all 33 of them in real life. I envied Sienna for being so gutsy and inhibitions-free. She snapped and snapped, and snapped. But she also looked gorgeous in everything. Unlike me, painfully self-conscious in my new bra.

Elena got up and dusted off her behind.

"You coming?" she asked.

Marisol wavered.

"I'll catch up with you," she said and scooted closer to me.

"Fine," shrugged Elena and walked away. At the school steps, she glanced over her shoulder, unhappy to be excluded.

Marisol pushed her hair behind her ears and pointed at my book.

"The fault in our stars. Is it any good?"

I was wondering the same. Good, yes. Good for right now? No.

"If you're into sad stories, you can borrow it after I'm done."

Marisol flashed her braces.

"Not interested if it's gonna make me cry."

She had almond-shaped eyes and hair to die for. Full-bodied and glossy, her locks were a beautiful shade of auburn.