Let's bake love

preheating the oven

Chapter 5. Preheating the oven 

(Saifah pov)

He was doomed.

There was no escaping it, nor fighting it. He was utterly and infinitely doomed. What started off as a seemingly innocent infatuation, turned into a full-on crushing and devouring yearning to be close to the other without actually being able to do so. Was it normal to feel this way? The urge to reach out and touch his face, gently stroking along his jawline, to feel those plump lips under his thumb, to pull him closer by his neck and let his hands roam through his hair.. 

Saifah mentally cursed himself. There's no way he feels the same, why am I doing this to myself? Have I turned into a big masochist or whatever? Fucking get it together man, just explain what happened that day to the boy and let him go. Or, as I am apparently liking the pain, be his friend.

Saifah tried to envision a life without Zon, a future where he would let him go and let him live his life. Maybe Zon would get married with a beautiful wife and have children. That's how many people still envision it is supposed to be. So why did it hurt so much just thinking about it? It was as if he had actually swallowed a handful of needles and those were inflicting pain on him from the inside out. He flinched slightly. It was enough to bring him back to earth, as his eyesight focused once again on the light of his life, realising that he hasn't spoken since he called out his name.

Saifah coughed, in an attempt to find his voice again. 

"Zon… you weren't wrong. I fear I may have made a misjudgement, but I swear I was only trying to help. You see, when you handed over your assignment to me, I couldn't hide my curiosity and I checked the content. That's when I found out the last few pages were torn, so I decided to retype, print and rebind it for you. I honestly never heard you talk about a deadline so … yeah. That's what happened. I really am sorry.." 

He shut his mouth before any more verbal diarrhea could come out of it. It took several breaths in and out before he had the courage to look up at Zon, who in turn sat there with his mouth slightly ajar. Cute.

"Ehhh...Zon? Are you ok? Say something."  

And please don't break my heart in the process… he braced himself mentally for what was to come, hoping that Zon wouldn't be too upset about knowing what finally happened.

The changes in Zon's face were always quite visible and easy to read. This time, it was a bit harder. His eyes were slightly enlarged, his mouth still open, but his eyebrows...they were off. Like he was struggling with something. Saifah couldn't quite place it, so he waited.

It took several seconds before Zon snapped out of whatever his mind was at.

"I never told you the deadline? Huh. I mean I thought I did, but then I had a similar thing happen the other day too with my mother. So I guess I thought about it but didn't say it out loud? Yeah, that must be it." 

Zon scratched his head, making a mess of his already wild hairdo. 

What I wouldn't give to run my hands through that hair, to feel its soft and silky existence.. no sai, focus.

"You.. you really took the effort to fix my assignment though?" 

Zon looked at Saifah and after a second of doubt flashing in his eyes, touched his leg. Saifah almost did a double flip, barely controlling himself.

"Thank you." Zon squeezed. "I know my friends would have never done that. They wouldn't have even looked at it before dropping it off. And if they did, they would most likely think that I should have been more careful. At least Zen and Tutor would. Don't even get me started on the others." 

Zon's eyes turned upwards and his whole face seemed to transform into a huge smile. Crescent moon eyes, wide open grin and the lines between his eyebrows disappeared. He seemed to almost glow.

Deep breaths, deep breaths. In and out.
Saifah mentally chanted to himself, trying to control his emotions, which were all over the place. 
He touched me so easily, what does it all mean? Normally I am the one initiating the contact, not him. Never him. But for all I know, he's only thanking me, nothing more. You should really get your head sorted Sai. Be his friend. That's it. Nothing more. God knows it's the furthest you will get. But then..

He looked at a still smiling Zon. Could he ask for it? For him to hug Zon. After all, they are friends now, right?

"So," Saifah started "uhh, are we good now? Or.. I mean, we are friends right? The whole assignment thing is closed?" 

"I would think so." 

"Can I boldly ask for a hug then? To celebrate or whatever. To us being friends, overcoming our first obstacle." 

He nervously wiggled about, not knowing what to do with his hands and other limbs. 

"You don't have to of course, it might be weird or too personal. Actually yeah, don't listen to me, I must have gone mad." 

He cast down his eyes, too afraid of what he would see in Zon's. 

"Sure." 

"Yeah, don't worry this was a stupi….. wait, what?" 

His jaw hit the floor. Did Zon just say yes to hugging? Finally looking up, he scanned Zon's face. He still wore that wide smile, like nothing was wrong. He looked.. Happy.

"Ok." He swallowed a few times, before leaning over. Zon ever still smiling from ear to ear. He clumsily embraced him, making sure not to smother him. He felt zon closing his arms around him in reply. "Thank you, friend." Sai leaned his head against Zon's, sighing deeply.

And as he hugged him tighter, tears threatening to pool in his eyes, all he could think of is: this is enough, it has to be enough. For both our sakes. Only friends...