We spend the night just cuddling. Kieran is lying on his back on the couch, my body on top of him. He switches between rubbing and scratching my back while his other hand traces different shapes along my thighs. Kieran's touch is heavenly, and exactly what I need.
My hand lies over his bare chest, and my mouth leaves kisses on it every few minutes as we watch a movie.
"Are you feeling any better?" He whispers, kissing the top of my head.
"Mhm," I hum. "The shower helped. I feel less...dirty." I feel Kieran tense beneath me briefly.
"Good. You know that wasn't your fault, right?"
"Yes, but I also feel like I may have led him on..." I admit.
"No, you didn't. You told him to back off multiple times. He may have been drunk but that's no excuse for what he did."
I sigh, turning my head so my face is fully against his pecs. Yummy.
"I know. How do I even face him after this? I hope I won't have to, but we've been running into each other pretty easily."
Kieran begins playing with my hair now and I snuggle further into him. He hasn't struggled to move beneath me at all, so my thoughts of crushing him are far away.
"Just avoid him as much as possible but stay where there are people around. I'm not going to leave you alone as long as I can help it. Consider me attached to those sexy hips of yours." I feel his smirk against my head as I giggle.
As intense as that situation earlier was and how difficult it is to think of what could have happened, I'm glad Kieran is trying to make me feel lighter about it. Him and his comfort are all that I need.
"Hey, this is also a great distraction from my family drama, eh?" I roll my eyes and huff out a laugh.
"Gemma..."
"Sorry!" I laugh, raising my head. My chin sits on the top of my hand that's on his chest. "I have to have a sense of humor about this. There's a lot going on right now."
"I know. I get that. Is there anything more I can do?" Kieran's eyes are focused on me, serious and concerned.
I think for a moment, wondering what more I can do to get some closure. As much as my family's past upsets me and I want to know as much as I can about why it turned out how it did, I mostly want to know my sister. Since she's gone, there's not much I can do.
"Honestly? Can you tell me more about Jillian?"
His gaze softens, his palm resting on the top of my damp hair.
"What do you want to know?"
--
Kieran and I talk about Jillian through the night, until we start to notice sunlight coming through the window in the living room.
"Get some sleep, baby," Kieran yawns, tapping my ass with his hand lightly.
"You, too. Let's sleep for a few hours, okay? Then we can take that drive." I relax against him, his breathing already slowing. I grab my phone quickly from behind me in the crack of the couch, setting an alarm for us.
Setting it down, I snuggle against Kieran's sleeping form. He told me so many things about Jillian, like how her favorite color was teal, but not a dark teal, lighter because she liked bright things. How she always loved eating gummy bears, just like I do, but she didn't have a preference on color. Jillian loved music too, just like he had told me before. He explained how she was very spiritual and had a sense for things. She was a writer and liked to read a lot. He said she wanted to write a novel someday, something with romance because she was a big romantic.
Kieran had sighed after that, tearing up at the fact that the one big "romance" she had ended the way it did. It was nothing like she deserved. I told him that in a way, her biggest romance was him. Though their friendship was platonic, they had each other their whole lives. Their relationship was something that others only dream of having, just how a romance novel portrays romantic relationships sometimes. Kieran had smiled sadly and gave me a light kiss, thanking me. It was me who needed to thank him.
I can only learn so much about her from him, but he told me a lot and I don't know how I could ever repay him for that. In the middle of our talk, he asked if I wanted to go see my mom tomorrow since we both have the time off. I had agreed because I wanted to see Jillian's room. Apparently, my mom hadn't packed anything away yet, so I wanted to see it for myself. I'm not sure if I'm ready to face her yet, but I need to for my own sanity. I can't just wallow and be in denial forever. The sooner we can get this over with, the sooner I can heal.
Feeling Kieran's heartbeat against my ear brings me solace and lulls me to sleep. Our hearts beat together, in sync, and he has no idea just how much of mine belongs to his.
--
After four hours of sleep, Kieran and I are now on our way to his hometown to visit my mom. To see where Jillian grew up, where he basically grew up with her. A part of me feels jealous of him for knowing her, jealous of her for knowing him, but I know that's just an irrational part of myself. These feelings are valid but aren't the point right now. I need to feel closer to her.
"We're here, baby."
I look over to Kieran, realizing how big the bags under his eyes are. He puts the car in park, so I unbuckle my seatbelt and turn to him, my palms finding his face. My thumbs brush across his cheeks and he sighs in response.
"Are you doing okay? I'm sorry, I didn't even think of how all of this is affecting you." I look down, ashamed of my selfishness.
"Hey, don't do that," he responds, gripping my chin and lifting it so I meet his eyes. "I'm okay. It is taking a lot out of me, going down memory lane when it all still feels so fresh. Especially how this is all unfolding right now, but I need to do this. I want to do this for you. I think it will be healing for the both of us."
We stare at each other for a few moments before I lean in, kissing him with so much tenderness that my heart wants to burst. I can't hold it in any longer, so I pull back and blurt out the words I've been too scared to say. But he deserves to hear them; I've already been selfish enough.
"I love you, Kieran."
His eyes open immediately, shining with unshed tears.
"You do?"
He sounds so surprised that I said the words and it causes my chest to ache.
"Yes, I do. I love you so fucking much it's scary." My voice trembles with vulnerability.
Kieran pulls my face to his again, kissing me passionately, him tongue demanding dominance. I let him take it. The butterflies in my stomach are fluttering more than ever, but then I remember where we are. I pull back from him and sigh.
"As much as I don't want this to stop, we should probably get inside."
He chuckles and kisses my forehead, leaving his lips resting there for a moment.
"I'm going to make love to you so hard later."
"Is that a promise?"
"Pinky promise," he laughs, putting his pinky out. I giggle and provide my pinky, linking it with his.
YOU ARE READING
Gem in the Rough
Romance"Did you know that you just pull me in? I can't stop thinking about you." Kieran's eyes are shut, his head against the back of the couch, while making his confession. I guess he had moved in the few moments I'd been in my own thoughts. "Is that a ba...
