Chapter 48

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It's a few days into winter break and I'm still putting off reading Jillian's journals. I've been spending most of my time with Kieran, in bed. Can you blame me?

Now, he's trying to make me start reading. I know he's right. I'd like to get through them before break is over and at this rate that won't happen.

"Do you want me to leave so you can read?" He's brushing my damp hair. I just got out of the shower, and he insisted that he complete my routine, including brushing my hair, drying off, and moisturizing my body. He's done everything else; the last step is my hair and getting dressed.

Kieran sets my brush down and guides me to the bedroom, my towel wrapped around my body. "Don't answer that because that's what I'm going to do. Let's get you dressed and set up with some blankets. I'll make you some hot chocolate and you can start. Sound good?"

I sigh and work with him to get a tank top and shorts on. I nod but grab his hand before he leaves the room. "Can you just stay in the living room or something? I want you here."

"Of course. Whatever you need." He kisses my palm and leaves to make my hot chocolate.

I make my bed and create a nest of blankets. Grabbing the box of journals, I climb into the bed and set them in front of me. I go through and look at the dates of each journal and set them up in chronological order. There are only five of them and I notice she started writing when she was fourteen. I take a deep breath and grab the first one.

Kieran enters the room with a steaming mug, setting it on my nightstand. He's humming a song that I realize is "Into Your Arms" by The Maine. I grin and thank him with a small kiss to his cheek.

He smiles and gazes at the journals on my bed, hesitating. I try to comfort him. "I'll share things with you if I can, okay? I do feel bad about this. I feel like you should be able to look at them too."

Kieran shakes his head and sits next to me. "No. You're her sister, and I know she would have wanted you to be the one to look at these. She shared most of her life with me. I got to know her, you didn't. I'm curious what's in those, of course I am, but I think I'm just missing her a lot and want to read about her life. To read the words she wrote down because it will remind me of her personality and how happy she was. I'm a little sad but you deserve to know her like I did. Please don't feel bad." He brushes my hair back behind my ear and stands, kissing my forehead. Then he leaves the room.

The journal in my hand opens and before I can stop myself, I begin to read.

--

Dear Diary,

Dear Journal,

Much better. I guess I'm going to start writing in this to talk about my girly feelings. Kieran told me that sometimes there are things a 14-year-old boy shouldn't know about his 14-year-old girl best friend. He doesn't like hearing about my periods or about my crushes. He listens, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I'm a lot to handle. So, I guess you will be another "person" to talk to when I'm too annoying for him.

Speaking of him. Kieran is my best friend. He was mostly joking when he told me I should journal because I was annoying him about Cory all day. Cory, aka the cutest boy in the 8th grade, was totally flirting with me in the lunchroom that day and I was squealing like a little girl. I can see why he'd get annoyed. Even though he rolls his eyes at me, I know he loves me, and he'll always listen to me.

Kieran is the best friend I could ask for, but you'll come in a close second.

PS – Kieran, if you ever read this, HI! I love you to pieces and I guess you're going to read some of my crazy secrets. And that's okay. I've probably already told you them anyway.

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