Set Aside

Dear Diary - the first encounter

Dear Diary,

I have no one to talk to, so I have found this empty journal at a desk in the library and will instead tell you. Everyone needs an outlet for their feelings.

The past week has been a whirlwind. Well, a tornado sweeping across the landscape of my life and ripping everything up, and tossing it into a pile of rubbish. A pile of rubbish that I am left to sift through, and piece some sort of life back together.

A tornado is a whirlwind of some kind, surely.

I desperately miss my pack and my life.

I had recently been promoted within my pack to warrior status. Four gruelling years of training and providing cover with the reserves, and I had finally earned my place. I was so excited to make it, given the high attrition rate and number of dropouts each year, most people simply give up. But I was tenacious and single minded. I wanted to be just like my father and I had succeeded. My assignments had been somewhat anti-climactic as I was to accompany the Alpha and Gamma to treaty discussions with surrounding packs. Showing up with well trained warriors looked impressive, but ultimately we weren't really required. We stood ramrod straight, barely blinked and did our best to intimidate the other pack's warriors.

This is the life I had chosen for myself. The one I should have now. Except I should have my mate, like everyone else too. But he doesn't want me.

The trips to the first two packs had been uneventful, each lasting several days. Our trip to the third and final pack was a tense affair for all involved. The Alpha was known to be insular and avoided outsiders at all costs, but the scuffles along pack borders had created far too much tension in the region to go unchecked any longer. Peace talks was the only way forward before there was total war.

We had travelled to our third pack in as many weeks and I had taken my place with the other warriors. I had a nervous energy around me today, but everyone else seemed calm despite the wariness surrounding the visit so I did my best to ignore it.

When the Alpha entered the room I realised why I was nervous as the mate bond snapped into existence. It roared into life like a fire, scorching my insides and scarring my heart for life. I will never forget the feeling. The heat made me feel like my blood had turned to lava, molten rock flowing through my body.

He grimaced. I flinched, but if he wasn't going to give in to the bond immediately, I wouldn't either. The meeting was drawing to a close and he had neither addressed me or identified me as his mate. I was confused but did my best not to show it. Finally, he spoke up and pointed at me, keeping his eyes on my Alpha. He claimed me. Sort of. I was to remain with his pack, as customary for mates.

After the meeting I was left alone in the room. My pack had left, sending my small smiles of pity and affection as they passed me, barely visible on their stony faces unless you looked for it. The Alpha got up without even sparing me a glance and left, his pack leaders following behind him. Shock kept me frozen in place. After I came to my senses I left the room in search of him to discuss our bond, and I found him and the reason he had ignored me. I saw him at the end of a corridor, lost in a kiss with a beautiful blonde she-wolf. She was so petite, his domineering figure leaning over her and caging her in, whilst she ran her hands over his biceps and chest. I was transfixed watching such an expression of love between this she wolf and my mate. They parted and smiled sweetly, lost in each other's eyes. Not wanting to be caught I ran away, what was I supposed to do?

It was frustrating to know my mate hadn't waited for me. I didn't know how old the Alpha was, but he didn't look so old that the pack would have forced him to take another as Alpha Female. I can only assume he's impatient like a typical Alpha and sought out a she-wolf to satisfy him while he waited for his mate. The kiss must have been a good bye kiss.

I fought the tears building up, blinking them away quickly, thundering through the pack house corridors, desperate to find an escape. Finally, I saw a glazed door leading to a small garden and barrelled through it.

A maid found me in the rose garden some time later, and directed me to my new room. She didn't address me by a title or by name, I assume she didn't know either of them. She stuck her nose up in the air, scowling at me. Clearly she had taken an instant dislike to me and lived up to the attitude expected from this pack. She said essentials had been provided and that I should be comfortable, but if I need anything further see the Gamma Female to fill out a requisition form.

I wonder if the blonde she-wolf has to fill out the requisition forms for new items.

The room was a standard pack room, not a guest suite or the Alpha Female room. It was the kind of room given to single pack members who performed duties for the pack primarily at the pack house, like the maids and guards, so easier to stay there rather than in a lodge around the territory. Was this room only temporary while the Alpha and I courted?

I searched through the items in my room. Everything was second hand and would be a questionable fit. Maybe the blonde wasn't so petite compared to the rest of the pack. Maybe my pack just had taller genes than this one.

The only items I had been given were basic clothes and necessities; nothing fancy or expensive. I'm not sure if the Alpha has told them of my status, surely the rightful Alpha Female to the pack would be given some privileges?

The maid returned a few hours later and told me dinner would be served in half an hour. She didn't wait for me, and offered no further assistance. She was definitely showing me attitude, but I didn't think using my status would set a good first impression, and I didn't want to appear demanding to the pack before I even had the chance to meet them. After all, I would be one of their leaders soon. I peeled off my uniform and chose the best of a bad bunch from the hand me downs in the closet and set to finding the dining hall.

I have been honest with how I felt at the time, however that first meal and every subsequent one has shown me how truly wrong I was.

I can't continue tonight, I fear my tears will soak the pages of this journal so badly it'll never dry out.