Set Aside

Dear Diary - dining hell

Dear Diary,

I'm sorry I couldn't continue this last night, but the dining hall has become my own personal hell.

I managed to find the dining hall on time, and waited at the entrance for the Alpha while the other wolves took their seats. I assumed the custom of the leaders arriving last would be the same here as my old pack.

I heard laughing coming from behind me and turned to look. Three couples were headed straight towards me but lost in their conversation with each other. My mate and the blonde holding court in the centre. Why wasn't she already in the dining hall? I recognised both males from the meeting. The Beta and Gamma. The couple on the left were both tall and lean with their arms hooked together casually but expressing the closeness of mates. Who knows with this pack though. The Beta male had dark hair left long and falling into his eyes whereas the she-wolf had long, silky red hair flowing freely around her shoulders. The couple on the right were shorter, the Gamma male well built and clearly all muscle with his hair shaved close to his scalp in a military style buzz cut, while the she-wolf a bundle of energy and curly, black hair. I was torn between staring at the Alpha and the blonde she-wolf and averting my eyes in the hopes of stopping the pain. It felt like needles jabbing into my skin when I saw them linking arms and giving each other affectionate touches. Was this his promise to her? One last evening of their relationship before he properly claimed me?

A sharp tug on my arm caught be off guard and I stumbled into the dining hall. It was the maid from earlier. She scowled at me as she ushered me into a seat at the rear, far away from the leaders' table at the front of the room. I was confused. Wasn't I the Alpha Female, my right as mate to the Alpha Male?

The three couples entered and walked to their table. The Alpha in the middle, the blonde she-wolf on his right, and I guess the Beta couple on his left. The whole pack, and me, stood as they strolled through the dining hall, smiling at pack members.

I didn't understand.

The Alpha stopped in front of his seat and spoke, informing them of a guest in the pack. All eyes turned to me. Is that what I am? A guest? I don't want to be a guest in the pack. I offered a weak smile to those nearest me, who merely frowned in response. Nothing like a warm welcome.

The Alpha pulled out the chair for the blonde, letting her sit down before him, before taking his own seat. The pack sat down afterwards. He treated her like the Alpha Female.

I didn't understand.

The food was served and I watched as the Alpha served the blonde first. He treated her like they were mates. But they weren't. I know they aren't mates. He's my mate.

She slowly took a bite, smiling up at him. He smiled back at her, taking a bite himself, allowing the pack to begin eating.

I was frozen. Why was I here? I wanted to confront him. Question him. Demand him to answer. But, in front of the pack would be a bad first impression. I must hold my nerve and wait for an opportune time. Or create one.

I began reaching for the serving spoons, after those around me had taken their share. The spoons were snatched out of my reach before I could grab them. Scowls were directed at me for attempting to eat their food. I thought the Alpha introduced me as a guest; isn't it customary to at least allow your guests to eat?

I didn't understand.

They piled even more on their plates, leaving only scraps behind. I bit my tongue and accepted the meagre portion. For now. Things would have to change around here when my status was known though.

I could hear the wolves around me chatting, turning their backs to me to purposely exclude me. I ate in silence, my soul attuned to the laughter drifting across the room from my mate. I steadied my resolve, and willed myself not to cry.

I did not understand.

At the end of the meal the leaders rose from their seats and left the room, each pair engaged in each other and barely noticing anyone else around them. Could the Alpha not feel the bond pulsing between us? The scorching heat in my heart was burning again, arcing like electricity in fury at being ignored. Lightning striking deep within my soul, surging with pure power and ferocity, attempting to make the mate bond glow brighter than the sun. To make it's brilliance completely unavoidable.

Every meal this week has followed the same pattern. I am to sit with the pack, far away from the leaders, and fight with the pack wolves for scraps of food. I understand that tensions between packs has been high, hence the assignment that had bought me here in the first place, but why were they so aggressive to me when the Alpha had declared me a guest, even if he had denied me my rightful role. I chose to ignore his attitude. It hurt too much to focus on.

I am ignored at breakfast and dinner, both by my mate and the pack. The same maid as always pushing me to a seat away from their table and preventing me getting close. Does she know who I am? Is she protecting the blonde she-wolf? Being alone is often scary and allows too much time for contemplation, but sitting as an island in a room full of people is torture. No one smiles at me.

I have tried to avoid spending time in the dining hall with the pack. I have left my room and wandered aimlessly through the pack house. I have sat in the gardens letting my thoughts run wild. I have even tried creeping into the forest. Each time I am found and sent for. I am not allowed to miss the displays of affection between the Alpha and his chosen, for every time there is a display. Those that sit closest to the leaders delight in such public affection between them. They coo over the lovely couple. At the rear of the hall where I am, there is less affection shown for the pair, but I do not know why.

I have made efforts away from the dining hall to speak with the Alpha, to seek clarification on why he has kept me here yet is dismissing the mate bond, but that story is for another entry. I cannot dwell too much at one sitting for it only weighs heavier and heavier on my heart. And I am being summoned for another breakfast in my personal hell.