Scarlet Song

Chapter 19

The group of us fall into laughter and chattering until everyone drifts to where we need to be. As the longest part of our trip started to unfold, Voltair and I became rather distant from each other but, I thought nothing of it considering our lives were on the line and we were all changing so much. About two weeks into our voyage, I break and propose a solution. I warned Arlemis and my sisters that it was going to happen and that either just him or neither of us would disappear for some time, depending on how this discussion fared with Voltair. We spread out further to hunt than we usually do which did it's part to give us a considerable amount of alone time together. It's as I'm wiping the blood from my bottom lip that I lock eyes with him. "V, love. We need to do something. Neither of us have been quite right since the selkie colony. We're a day out from the island we both first stranded on. We're taking ourselves there and spending some time to--discover ourselves. I know you're one of the biggest things fueling me forward in this voyage but, I need to know we are both--at peace, in case this goes wrong." I can see the turmoil in his eyes for what feels like forever before he silently sinks onto his haunches from all fours and weakly nods. "Y-you're right. We'll leave momentarily and get this out of the way. If you're saying this will help, I trust you, Rue, with my entirety." He leans close and kisses my forehead and his fingers tangle in my hair and he breathes my scent in. "Just know that I will know if you do something to yourself to leave us and if that happens I will not hesitate to walk through Hell to bring you back just to kick your stubborn ass myself, Moone." I weakly giggle and nod. "The same goes for you, Voltair." We finish up our eating and make our way to the island, arriving at dawn as we split off at the familiar beach. He meant that far more than just loving me and I knew that. He was the one who made me the rest of what I am. He could literally feel me--die. Oh, god. If I failed at what we worked so hard for, he wouldn't just lose me and I him, he would feel me let go. I can't fail them. This really isn't just me anymore. I'm the least of my concerns when it comes down to fighting Vera. I walk to clear my head, the leaves of the different branches making different sounds as they brush against my selves, sometimes catching lightly in the stitching. I'd almost entirely forgotten that I was wearing the uniform from the colony visit. Not that I needed the furs, I attempted to pawn them off enough to the crew that needed them but, it made too many of them uncomfortable seeing how unphased my new born body was to the elements. While they trusted me, a lot of them avoided me where they could. I didn't blame them, I'm something foreign. Adding to that that I just married a drow, a race that not only faced so much hardship and hiding, they're still persecuted as a evil race. Even after monsters had to come to show themselves to humans, drows spent years still underground and separated from the world. I slide my coat off and untuck my blouse as I lay in the foliage as it cradles me in the glistening bits of sun making their way between the leaves. I'm thankful that the myth of vampirism and sunlight was mostly a myth, because I was pretty certain we were safe here to let our guard down. I weaved little crowns and nests for the animals and the fairies. None of my sisters believed me when I told them we weren't the weirdest things to exist. I told them I spent my time befriending fairies on the shores and it didn't take long before I just stopped telling them. I never met one face to face but I knew in some part of me that they did exist too. As the sun started to set, I left the fairy village I'd built from my surroundings and brushed the dirt from my pants and head for the beach on my side of the island. I walk to the line in the sand where the waves crash onto the shore and just kneel there, gazing at the moon reflecting on the water. I want to say that I'm scared of dying but, I'm not. I'm afraid of losing my family. Or am I more afraid of being in charge of an entire race of creatures and responsible for the breeding of that race. I'm supposed to be the Queen of my people but, also the most used and walked on part of my society. My sole purpose is to pop more sirens out so that they can slaughter each other for generations as some sick way of population control. I look at my reflection in the water puddles that formed on the shore in the holes in the sand that had eroded away. What I seen was a woman, despite actually being a race that our most primal form is without gender. When people looked at me, they see a monster mill. Why am I not allowed to be more? What's my purpose after this all is said and done? I took a long moment soaking in my eyes and face shape before standing and marching down the beach. "If the problem is that I'm a female, why don't I show them what my race really is? I'm done being a product of my breeding." I exclaim to myself as I search for a blade on my person and shake my head. I'd left my dagger with my coat but, I can find a sharp stone. I find one oat my feet and clench my eyes shut as I grab my hair and slice at it. After a while, my hair is left shorter than my shoulders and that more of a male but, more windswept and a little on the long side. That was the first step of many over the next few days, leading up to the day I got myself caught by Voltair. I recognized that if I wanted to make my feature more androgynous, I would have to cut into my face to get it to heal how I wanted it. I'd found some thick, hard bark that I placed my between my teeth as I brought the dagger to my cheeks and sliced, my blood clouding my vision as I marked around my face and it ran into my eyes. When I heard Voltair behind me, I was cursing in several languages around my bring as I let the water wash over my face as I splashed it into my face. He turns me abruptly and sighs in relief as he sees me heal. "What in the hell are you doing, LaRue? Can't I trust you for five minutes not to massacre yourself?" I shrug as I stand up to face him, ruffling my hair a little. "I was changing. In order for me to change since you giving me the vampirism, I sometimes have to damage myself to heal the way I want. I didn't want to be what she made me anymore. I was born as woman, a siren but, a woman nonetheless. I was never meant to be anything more because my only purpose was to breed and breed until I die. Not even our species is actually strictly female, you seen that yourself. This is me choosing who I'm going to be." My shoulders drop after the last part, both in relief but, also giving in because I recognized this could turn our entire brief marriage on it's axis. The silence that passes seems to drag on for what feels like forever until he falls to the ground giggling and sighs. He stares over the water and smiles as he tilts his head. "Here I was, scared shitless to tell you what had been on my mind. Worrying out of my mind that you wouldn't love me anymore if I chose my own path. Don't get me wrong, I'm still petrified but, less on the spot." I watch him closely as he uses the runes that Moira gave him. His white hair falls curly further down his shoulders and his frame changed. Before I knew it, it clicked. The runes showed who the user chose to show. What I seen wasn't Kore, this was Voltair as a female and I instantly knew what she as trying to say and I sink into the sand next to her, a smile curling across my lips. I take her hand and tenderly squeeze it, even as I see her coat hang loosely on her shoulders. I lean down and softly kiss the back of her hand, sighing. "So, what would happen to be this beautiful sight's name?" A bright smile curls across her lips as she sniffles. "A-Aerys. You still love me? You still want to be with me? I'm not useless now, am I?" I shake my head fervently, tackling her to the ground. "Of course I do, Aerys. Whether you're my bride or my husband or anything in between. What matters isn't what we are, it's who we are. It's who we choose to be after our story. Our legs tangle as she rolls me back onto my back under her as she straddles me. "Only if you tell me what I'm to call you, love." I giggle and throw my head back in the sand and think for a while, gazing at the stars when I see moth float lightly across the night air. "I-Indrid. I don't want to be a woman but I don't want to be a man either. I'm tired of it mattering anymore. I'm without gender through and through." She nods and rests her head on my shoulder as she sighs happily. "It will take me time to learn but, I will. I love you and I'm not going anywhere." We lay there, just in silence as the sound around us roared in the absence before we stumbled onto our feet and wandered to the beach we arrived on. We left and made our way back to the ships, knowing we had much more to deal with once we boarded again, me going first to cushion her arrival behind me. I climbed aboard Amsephone's ship and froze when I seen her ready for me at the top, arms crossed. She sat on the rail with me and we talked and talked as she felt my hair. "So, this is what you want? And this is what she's choosing?" I nod and she smiles warmly, something not always common to her list of expressions. "Follow me, both of you." Aerys follows me aboard, still fixing her coat and much the rest of her clothes falling down as we walk. Amsephone raided her own wares to fit Aerys with a properly fitting outfit and dig up a special corset for me. "If there's one thing that's going to make all the difference in people telling that you were female it's your chest. I have friends who use many methods and they are all valid to me but, the world is a harsh place. One that isn't always gonna be perceptive enough to look at you the right way. Sometimes you have to help the hopeless world around us see the world for what it can really be and really is. You are one story, our bodies can change but, I have only person I can think to give her a more permanent solution to her problems but, that requires a hefty price, usually. So, what I will do is care for you until we make voyage for there, deal?" Aerys and I nod, still not sure how to feel, even as she slips me into the corset, tightening it on me until my chest and completely unrecognizable as woman's. "See, I got this for myself for some of my adventures but, I have a fatal flaw and so does every human, too. We have to breathe, you on the other hand, don't. When you do, it's merely for the purpose of aesthetics. So, apparently you just have to be the undead to comfortably wear these." We all giggle and she carefully helps me into my better fitted uniform. "It's your choice, Indrid. Do we hunt Vera first or do we make way for the shaman I know? This could be a once in a lifetime opportunity for her that she could never have a chance at against after this." I knew what she was saying. Though we all hoped for the best, we knew everything we did now had to be done with the anticipation that we wouldn't survive this ordeal. I fidget with a loose string and nod, locking eyes with Aerys. "We're finding your shaman, Amsephone. We both know how this might end and I'm not letting her put a suicide mission above giving her the body she wants without the runes."