Loyal Love (Rewritten)

Chapter 9 : The Ball

There was a time I remembered.. where I still asked and wondered if I was somehow cursed, maybe I was punished for what I'd done in a life before this one.
There just had to be a reason for all this.
Because it was always me.
It felt like I wasnt allowed to be anything more than the unwanted, worthless and weak little boy that everyone could just kick and step on whenever they'd pleased.

I was breathing hard, feeling the tears in my eyes as I stumbled through the crowd with numb knees. The music was still making my chest vibrate yet I found myself being unable to hear or pay attention to it.

I felt sick.. horribly sick to my stomach, like all my skin was turning cold, ready to fall away and leave me naked behind. It was strong enough to make me want to cover it but not enough to satisfy me. I just wanted to find baekhyun and leave. I just wanted to be back in the space I called my peace, where I knew no one would come and i could just be by myself not judged or looked at by anyone else, not touched by anyone else.

I felt incredibly stupid to have tried having fun in the first place. It Felt nothing but embarrassing and I was only ashamed of being so naive.

My stepfather was right.

I'm despicable.. and I can't do anything right, I couldn't even do anything back then either and as I fell to the ground again, the air being knocked out of me from the pushing of the crowd that didnt see me, I felt like I was nothing. just a useless breathing thing that simply existed.

Teens where laughing with each other and at me as they stepped over me only. I whiped over my cheeks, moving away. Almost crawling as I tried to avoid a girl kicking me with her heels while passing over me.

someone got down to me and I flinched away removing his hand as I blinked while my eyes roamed my surroundings to see through the tears. He tried reaching for me again but I had already stumbled to my feet again and was starting to move back until I reached another door at last. My hands were fumbling with it as I just wanted to open it an eagerly get out of here.

The air was starting to feel suffocating,I was trembling and crying unable to breath through but when I was finally out everything felt a little lighter the moment realize it was the back of the school. The place I'd always go to on normal school days. The place no one else went to.

I was falling apart. Tears rolling down my cheeks whilst I took my mask off and dropped down to hug my knees close and bury my face in them, my hand was squeezing the fabric of the mask in frustration and hurt around them.

I wish I would've just stayed in the diner at least then I wouldn't have to feel as humiliated and weak as I did now.

And the more time past where I sat here in misery the more the hate and anger grew. I recalled all the things I hated about my life. All the things I've messed up and wasn't good enough for. All the odds that spoke against me ever escaping to have a normal life where I wouldn't end up being hated, hurt and alone.

I hated living and I was wondering if it would be better to just stop breathing all together.

'' h-hey .." I flinched again burying myself further into my arms over my knees as I sniffled to quiet down and contain myself, when someone exited the door aswell to carefully step closer '' are you.. ok ?"

I didnt feel like answering to him when instead I turned away from where his voice was coming from.

He closed the door after himself
'' I'm not gonna hurt you or anything.. I erm.. I'm sorry that happened.. I saw you run out here.. erm .. I b-rought you some water ..wasn't sure if you drank something or.. well you never know how far those people go"