In Halls

Rising

By morning, though, I was feeling less confident. I was living in a flat with someone who thought I'd asked a friend to ask them out, like some kind of giggly teenager. I was living in a flat with someone who had rejected said giggly teenage vision of me.

I could bump into Christopher at any moment. Or Tara. Or Elizabeth. Laying in my bed, staring up at the ceiling, I couldn't quite believe that last night I'd let Elizabeth sit with us and eat some of my food like nothing had happened, without calling her out on her gossiping. Because she must have been gossiping. I liked to give people the benefit of the doubt, but how would Tara have known what I said if she hadn't been?

It was 6am and I didn't feel awful, which meant that my body was reverting to its usual routine after the torture of Freshers. At least I could be fairly sure that I wouldn't bump into Christopher at this time of the morning. The rest of the flat as a whole were not early risers. Most of them had still gone out a few nights this week as well, but I'd made the firm decision to dodge the alcohol and start focusing on lectures.

I hauled myself upright and grabbed my swimming things. Later in the afternoon, after labs, I had an interview for the cleaning job. That would take up most of my mornings if I got the shifts I wanted. But for now my mornings were my own.

There was a crisp chill in the air as I headed towards the pool. Despite the unlikely sunshine, we were heading towards October, and my Mum had said that the rain was likely to come soon. In fact, she'd bombarded me with messages about how many jackets I'd packed, and was there a radiator in my room because she couldn't remember seeing one, and did I want her to post me my green gloves? Perhaps I should tell her to post me some extra confidence for telling Christopher to fuck off.

I dived into the pool and left my thoughts behind on top of the water. I swooped down through the bubbles and swam under water as far as I felt like I could manage and then a few strokes beyond, enjoying the protest from my lungs, the straining sensation. Bobbing up around halfway along the pool, I trod water and heaved through several deep breaths until my body normalised.

The pool wasn't overly busy, but it did sometimes surprise me just how many early risers could be found there at half past six in the morning. Some had dragged themselves up to avoid the crowds. They were marked out by huge bags under their eyes and a slow, laboured stroke. Some were in the early phases of a new diet and weight loss regime, manifesting in a look of uncomfortable determination with a lot of splashing. Some, surely, were there like myself, just for a minute to think.

I pushed on, starting my lengths, finding my pace, letting my thoughts gather once again. I didn't need to tell Christopher to fuck off. He hadn't been rude in any way. I had to assume he'd been trying to handle the situation he'd been given in the best possible way. It was Tara who needed a real telling off, but I had a nauseating feeling that taking on Tara was not something I would want to do if I valued my own safety.

So the thing to do would be to just act normal. Be polite, be decent, pretend it never happened, rise above it. All that shit. How hard could it be?

My stomach screwed up into a ball at the thought of Christopher's pretty face as he'd told me to look elsewhere. I sank lower in the water, trying to shake off the cringe.

Had I thought he behaved like a gentleman throughout Freshers Week? Yes. Had I thought that sometimes he danced quite close to me in what could be described as a flirty manner? Yes. Had I decided in my head that he was the most attractive guy in the flat? Yes.

Had I also been entirely clear from day one that I did not want to get involved in any flatmate relationship drama?

Also yes.

Come on, Ellen, you are better than this, I thought to myself.

When I got out of the pool, I had a few messages from Elizabeth.

I just heard about what happened with Christopher I am so so sorry!

I 100% did not tell her you wanted to go out with him I promise we were just talking about the guys in the flat and I said you thought he was hot am so sorry please forgive me!!

Please please Ellen I wish I hadn't said anything but really it was just the most casual thing had no idea she would take it in that way!

I had to laugh. I wondered if Elizabeth had heard of any punctuation other than the exclamation mark. And it had to make me happy, to believe that at least Elizabeth wasn't Tara's co-conspirator.

Don't worry about it. Water under the bridge now, isn't it? I'll see you later on.

Sooo sorry for the break, guys! Hopefully this is back on track for now. I have a deadline today, so obviously yesterday I spent a lot of time writing this instead. Let's hope for her sake that Ellen is a bit more focused on her studies!