Celebrity Imagines

Janette Rallison x Fem!reader ☁️

Requested by @sigh100. I hope this is to your liking. Also this contains dark humor. If you don't like then don't read.

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It was later one night as you sat in your lover's study, helping her with her newest project. She often called upon you when writing a new book, if not for your insight then for your entertaining jokes. Whenever you thought she needed a break, you would begin to tell joke after joke until she would laugh and forget about her writing, even if it was only for a little while.

It was right about now that you decided Janette needed a break. She had been writing for about two hours straight and you could see she was beginning to get frustrated. It was time to get her to laugh. And what better way to make someone laugh than dark humor.

"Janette," you said to get her attention, she responded with a hum letting you know she was listening.

"A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. 'You can't cut me down,' the tree complains. 'I'm a talking tree!' The man responds, 'You may be a talking tree but you'll dialogue.' "

You looked at her for a response but all she did was look back at you unamused and start writing again.

'That's okay, I'm just getting started,' you thought before trying again.

"My wife left a note on the fridge that said 'This isn't working.' I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working just fine!"

You could've sworn you saw the corner of her mouth lift for a fraction of a second. 'Ok we're getting somewhere!' you thought and started to tell another.

"They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well," you paused ant tilted your head back, pretending to think before you kept going, "not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important."

This time you got a snort which made you smile.

"Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?"

"Why?" she asked putting her pen down and turning to face you.

"When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, 'Bach, Bach, Bach!'"

That one earned you a chuckle so you decided it was time for rapid fire.

"Give a man a match and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face. For instance, when you push them down the stairs."

"I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors."

"Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them."

"The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me."

"I'll never forget my Grandpa's last words to me before he died. 'Are you still holding the ladder?'"

"It turns out a major new study recently found out that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true. I can't remember that last time I ate a monkey."

"'I work with animals," the guy says to his date. 'That's so sweet,' she replies. 'I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?' 'I'm a butcher,' he says."

"'Just say NO to drugs!' Well if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes."

"I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good but I liked the execution."

"What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found."

"I started crying when my dad started cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog."

"I wasn't close to my dad when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a land mine."

At the beginning all you got were giggles that turned into laughter that soon turned into wheezing.

"Oh gosh! I'm gonna pee myself!" Janette said in between her laughter.

You laughed at her for a little bit until she doubled over and almost fell out of her chair.

"Calm down, babe. Don't hurt yourself," your said concerned.

She had been doubled over for a few minutes when you noticed a wetness spread through her pants. Soon her laughing stopped and was replaced with silence.

"Did you actually-" you cut yourself off with laughter.

"I'm going to take a shower," Janette said before getting up and walking away.

You continues to laugh even after she got out of the shower and you two got into bed. The two of you went to bed that bight with smiles on your faces. Though yours was much bigger and you were still laughing, even in your sleep.

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Bye Airheads🎈
Love you guys💛