Cordelia Goode x Reader- Traitor

Loved you at your worst

It takes you by surprise when Cordelia uses those words because at times you thought she could never feel sorry for the way you were hurting after leaving the academy and even before and you saw her as someone who did nothing but betray your trust and good intentions. 

Eventually, you changed your mind, knowing that the blonde could never actually do any of these things on purpose and you realized something that was essential in your healing journey in the end. The realization that everything that happened wasn't just hard on you but that it was also hard on Cordelia, initially saved you in a way.

 At one point you thought back of all the coincidences of you actually meeting Cordelia and also the things you two experienced together both the good things and also the bad ones. In the beginning, when you joined the academy Cordelia was your savior. She didn't just offer you a home and a safe space to learn more about your powers and helping them grow, she also offered you a family full of beautiful witches that would soon become part of your little family. 

From the start you knew that Cordelia was more than a headmistress or a supreme to you, she was your own little guardian angel. After your mother's passing a few weeks before you ended up finding the academy after the interview the supreme gave, randomly started playing one night, you finally found a purpose. 

Just after her death, you had nothing apart from a tiny apartment that served the only purpose of giving you a bed but it was never truly a home to you. For weeks you were in this cycle of grief and depression, not really knowing what was real anymore and what wasn't. 

First, you went through denial, telling yourself that she isn't dead and if you would simply drive to the nursing home that she would be there, sitting outside in her usual chair with that usual blanket wrapped around her legs. Then anger washed over you, mostly at yourself for not visiting more often when in reality you visited her every single day and every weekend. 

That anger turned into depression but somehow just somehow you always had this strength within you, this voice guiding you through all the dark moments when you would cry in your bed and just pray that it could be over and that you wouldn't have to feel that same pain in your chest anymore. 

What you didn't know however, not for a long time is that there was always this source of power within you, not just your magic but also your subconsciousness always remembering your mothers words that you did have a meaning somewhere- the academy. The coven and Cordelia were always the reason for this strength within you before you even knew the place existed or what that place truly was. 

For a long time you never understood how you managed to get up every morning and go to work all day before returning home and drowning in thoughts and sadness. Cordelia would very soon become the source of your happiness, even before you two started dating. 

All those nights spent in the kitchen together, looking out the window and admiring the stars and beautiful night sky, while drinking hot chocolates and just listening to each others past and the things on your minds that would usually keep you up at night. Soon you learnt that you aren't alone with all the overwhelming feelings you would feel at times and that the blonde perfect angel also had her own struggles.

You never really truly noticed that Cordelia was struggling aswell. To you she always seemed so perfect, like she was truly an angel that was just brought to earth from heaven with the sole purpose to cheer people up and bless them with her presence. 

You were so naive and dumbfounded, believing that someone blessed with beauty and grace wouldn't also have some very dark and low moments, debating what actually makes sense in life and on the verge of giving up. At first you would often hold back about your feelings after joining the academy because you have never liked bothering people with your problems and feelings but there was always something about Cordelia that made it so damn easy.