01-18-2015
I like to be alone. And it's not okay.
There's something wrong with it. Or at least, that's what I've been told.
I'm an adult, I should have a boyfriend, should've had one for at least two years at this point. Should be thinking about settling down. About buying a house, a new car, creating a life with this other person.
But I like to be alone. And it's not okay.
"We need to find you a man!" is muttered nearly every time I'm around friends. Why? I wish I knew.
There should be this unexplainable need for companionship at this age.
Sometimes there is. Sometimes, the need to be loved is so overwhelming I become worried that I will never find someone who would stay long enough to see who I really am behind the face I put forward every day. That I won't find someone who will like me for who I really am.
But that passes after a short while. And I remember,
I like to be alone. And maybe that's not so bad.
I feel such an extreme anxiety when I'm exposed to too many people in a short period of time.
"Come out with us!" Do I go and suffer from anxiety the entire time? Or stay away, and suffer a different anxiety? One that eats away at me until I next speak to that person and see they're not upset with me.
I like to be alone.
I am a different person by myself.
I don't have to force anything. Don't have to pretend to be interested in something. I don't have to talk to fill the silence that makes other people uncomfortable. I don't have to smile, or be happy, or sad, or anything.
I can just exist. And that's enough for me.
I'm more often than not, happier by myself. Things flow easily. I don't have to think.
I like to be alone.
This doesn't mean I hate people. It's quite the opposite. I need them. But only when I want them. I don't like being surprised with visits from anyone other than close family. Even those can become overwhelming after some time.
But I need my space, and quite a bit of it.
I need space to think. To feel. To write, dance and sing.
I like to be alone. And that's okay.
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Poems From My Mostly Dark Places
कविताThis is just a collection of things I jot down while I'm in a dark place. Not all of them will be dark, but most will be. That's generally when I'm creating at my best. A lot of them won't be very long either, I tend to get stuff out in just a few w...
