The Fuzzy End of the Lollipop

The Fuzzy End of the Lollipop, Chapter Eleven:

Over the next couple of months, Jamal transformed from being the guy Maya spoke about every so often, to someone she saw two or three times a week. Sally had desperately wanted to hate him but soon after meeting him she was begrudgingly forced to like him.

Jamal was a kind and gentle man who talked too much when he was nervous and hung on to Maya's every word. At first, she braced herself for the end. None of her previous friendships had survived the giddy, first weeks of love and she assumed it would not be long before theirs ended in the same way, but as the weeks rolled on nothing changed. Her and Maya still hung out after work and Sally's presence at their "family meals" was always expected.

A few stings of jealousy caught her along the way but this was never because Maya was less interested in her. It was more to do with the fact that whenever she was around them she felt the absence of what they had. She wanted to feel the closeness of holding someone's hand, sharing a kiss or stroking their hair. It had been years since she had had something like that. She missed having someone to kiss and to hold but in Sally's experience, that kind of closeness usually came at a price. If she had a partner like Jamal, maybe he would have been able to piece together all the broken parts that were strewn inside of her. Or maybe it would only spread them further apart.

Sally was tired of hearing people say that she would meet someone when she least expected and the idea of going on a dating app had crossed her mind once or twice. Most of the people she worked with had met their prospective partners on dating apps and from what she had read online, it sounded like the rest of the world did as well. Maybe she should give it a try, what was there to lose?

During their lunch break, Sally asked Maya which app she used.

"You should go on Hinge, that's where I met Jamal."

"What's Hinge?"

"It's like Tinder but with less dick pics," Maya explained, "You have to answer different questions, it's not just about the pictures."

"And that's how you met Jamal?"

"Yeah, but I went on loads of dates before I met him, they are usually just for fun. You meet up, have a chat and then you decide if you want to see them again."

Sally thought about it for a moment and then recoiled, "I don't know, I think I would get too nervous."

"I was so nervous the first time I did it," Maya reassured her, "but after a while, you don't feel nervous anymore. The guys are usually way more nervous than you anyway."

"But what if everyone in the pub knew I was on a date and then started to guess whether it was going well or not."

"Sally," Maya rolled her eyes, "You don't have to worry about that, people are way too busy worrying about themselves to give a damn about you ."

"But I always do that," said Sally sheepishly.

Maya laughed, "Yeah but you're not exactly normal are you."

"Hey."

Maya nudged her playfully "I am sorry but let's just say, little miss hawkeye has not gone unnoticed."

Sally stared at her, feeling as though a layer of skin had been ripped off her.

"Don't look at me like that, it's just funny watching you sometimes. Your eyes never stop moving. It's like you have to catalogue everything in your brain before you can relax.

"I don't do that," Sally said weakly

"It's fine, I mean we all have our things," Maya shrugged, realising she had hit a nerve, "I tell you what, let's sign you up to that app after work. It will be fun if we do it together."

"Ok " Sally nodded, still absorbed in Maya's hawkeye comment.

After work, the two girls headed to the pub that Sally usually frequented with Clyde. It was strange to go there sober and even stranger when Maya brought back two cokes from the bar instead of two beers.

"Have you downloaded the app?

"Yep,"

"Great. Now give it to me." Sally passed her phone to Maya. "So," Maya, tapped the screen a few times, "Are you interested in males, females or both,"

Sally looked at her, unsure why she was asking, "Males."

Maya tapped the screen again and then when Sally did not say anything looked up, "You can't blame me for asking, you never talk about anything like that, you're so tight-lipped about everything. All I know about your past is that one of your exes did not clean his room. I don't even know what your favourite colour is, let alone your favourite type of person."